Never do I want to hear this phrase muttered from the mouth of a close-minded human being ever again. No, I don’t *need* alcohol to have fun, thank you very much. If you ever find yourself in a situation where someone confronts you with this ignorant thought you could either:
1. Be the bigger person and save your argument skills for someone more deserving.
2. Spill a drink on them.
The irony of the last one makes it my go-to. Anyway, I’m here to set the record straight on why you’re no better than anyone else if you claim you “don’t need alcohol to have fun.” Buckle up booze haters, it’s about to be an eye-opening ride.
First off, if you think drinking is our cop-out to hide the fact that we’re just a bunch of boring losers, you’re wrong. We don’t choose to drink alcohol as a form of weekly entertainment because we lack personality. We’re not drinking to disguise the fact that we can’t function in everyday life. Being drunk just simply enhances our already badass selves. No one actually becomes a different person by downing some shots; they just become a more exciting, less reserved version of who they already are. Who wouldn’t want that?
Hell, I would argue that certain situations actually require the consumption of alcohol. I mean, isn’t that the whole reason bars even exist? Not to mention family gatherings, first dates, and weddings are so much easier to attend with a few drinks in your system. There’s no need to hate on me for reaping the benefits of this legal social stress reliever.
And as a matter of fact, alcohol and fun don’t always go hand-in-hand. Yes, I’ve had a lot of fun over the years when alcohol is involved, but I’ve also had some questionable and awkward times (I’m looking at you tequila). And you might not believe it, but there have been plenty of times where I’ve had fun absolutely ~sober.~ Shocking, I know. So if you’re claiming that we drink to get our only fun in life, you’re also wrong. Every time you drink, it’s a gamble. Who knows whether you’ll be dancing on tables or sobbing over your dog that died when you were eight. It could be the best night of your life or the worst. It’s a risk that those of us who love the buzz are willing to take. Sure, nine times out of ten you’ll have a blast drinking with your friends, but don’t think we’re not aware of the potential repercussions.
Truth be told, no one physically needs alcohol to enjoy life. If you think that’s the case, then you probably also live in your mother’s basement or are excited by your future ownership of twelve cats. If you need it so much that you cannot.physically.function without it, then that’s a different problem entirely and they have programs for that.
Listen, I totally respect if someone decides that drinking isn’t for them. Maybe you don’t like the taste or feeling or have some weird reason from your past. I get it. I don’t question your reasoning, so you sure as hell shouldn’t be questioning mine. I drink to socialize, to get drunk confidence, to forget about that paper I have due, to make that bitch I can’t stand more tolerable, and yes, I drink to have fun. But that doesn’t mean drinking is the only way I can have fun.
And finally, don’t get mad when people who choose to drink alcohol to enjoy themselves share stories about it. At least good, drunken stories are entertaining. No one wants to hear about your life-changing hike up that mountain. They want to hear about that one time I drunkenly got trapped in a cow field (that’s a story for a different time). Yes, drunk people can be idiots and hard to tolerate soberly, but it’s the life we’ve chosen. Or better yet, the life that’s chosen us. Deal with it..