You know, truth be told, Lorelai and Rori really did have something special. Those coffee dates where they shared everything on their minds really gave you those warm tingles inside. They shared similar interests and trusted each other with anything. And let’s not forget the close relationship between Kris Jenner and her daughters. She puts her two cents into every decision her daughters make, being as involved in their lives as possible. That’s cool and all, but there’s just something about these close-knit mother-daughter relationships that don’t seem right to me. I don’t think your mom should be your best friend.
I remember in high school, being super jealous of the girls that could go home after school and tell their moms everything from the boys they liked to who was *doing it.* My mom was never my go-to for stuff like that. Sure, I could ask her if this color looked good on me or what colleges to apply to, but never anything more than the basics. I felt like my mother and I didn’t have a good relationship. It wasn’t until college that I learned it was exactly the relationship I needed. I soon met girls who couldn’t go a day without talking to their mothers, girls who consulted their mothers for every decision in their lives. “Well my mom thinks I should do this,” they’d mutter, and I would stand there stunned. Could this bitch even make a decision on her own?
The best friend relationship between mother and daughter isn’t good for anyone. Moms are into it because it makes them feel young again. They feel trendy because they know what the kids are into nowadays and this helps them forget that menopause is right around the corner. Daughters are into it because they can get advice from someone who’s been around the block a few times. But newsflash home girl: you’re not living on the same block that your mom grew up on. Your mother can give you all the advice she wants, but her perspective just isn’t going to be the same. Ask your mom what you should reply to your most recent Tinder message and I highly doubt she has an answer. There are just so many different influences on your life that she’ll never understand.
I actually think that time you go through where you and your mother can never see eye-to-eye is essential to growing up. It’s right around the time of puberty when you think that no one understands you and you can’t wait to move out of your house someday. You get into far too many arguments with the lady, only to learn years later that she was almost always right. I learned a lot throughout that time. And I think if my mom had been my best friend and catered to my needs instead of standing her ground, I wouldn’t have learned these things.
It’s also important to be your own person and being best friends with your mother makes this extremely difficult. You don’t want to be heading down the road to becoming just like her. No one really wants to be just like her mom. There should be boundaries. There should be things your mom doesn’t know about you. You shouldn’t be telling her all your secrets. She shouldn’t be obsessed with you or living through you because that’s not okay for her wellbeing. There’s no problem with being close to your mom, but she shouldn’t be your everything and vice versa. You need your own friends and best friends.
As much as every girl likes to pretend going to a bar with your mom is fun, it’s not. If you let your mother’s influence on your life go too far, before you know it you’ll be dating a younger version of your father and getting a perm. No one needs that. Yes, you can let your mom have an opinion on your wedding dress. But she doesn’t need to help you choose every.single.dress you buy. You’re a big girl and that’s what besties your own age are for. Love your mom with all your heart, but don’t be her best friend. You’ll both be better off..