Your Hated Rival

A lot of sorority girls I know like to play this game with new boys they meet called “guess which sorority I’m in.” This is pretty much always a bad idea because there is no right answer. If he guesses up, you’re offended. He’ll undoubtedly say something like “well, why not?” or “really? You’re hot enough to be.” Ummmmm….that’s not a compliment. He indirectly just told you he doesn’t expect there to be pretty girls in your sorority. He can go screw himself. If he guesses down, well, Lord help his soul…and your self-esteem. Even if he guesses correctly, there’s still that sting of knowing that you so perfectly perpetuate a stereotype (in my case “party girl”), that without hesitation a complete stranger could accurately assume your affiliation. But more often than not, incorrect guesses come as the biggest disappointment of all, quite possibly resulting in an irreconcilable bitchfit…your rival sorority.

No matter what “tier” (and I only put it in quotes to pretend like I’m above that and don’t believe in rankings…but tiers totally exist) your sorority is in, you have a rival, and those girls are the worst excuses for not only sorority women, but for human beings that any woman in the history of women has ever birthed. Fuck. Those. Girls. How could anyone ever think that you’re affiliated with that grimey, soul-sucking chapter. It’s like the most vile group of women on the planet gathered together in some evil cosmic accident to form a union whose sole purpose is to provide you with an outlet for every feeling of negativity, anger, and hatred you’ve ever had. I’d literally rather go blind, and broke, and be itchy forever than see them succeed. (Casual misuse of the word “literally.” TSM…Casual misuse of the word “casual.” TSM. Oh.) It ordinarily sucks losing anything, competitions, PNMS, and fraternities alike, but the only thing that makes it suck more is losing to them. Them. THEM. Whhyyyyyy them. But you do. About 50% of the time. Because as much as it pains me to say this, though you hate them more than you hate girls who roll up the sleeves of their Walmart-brand hoodies and the girls who decided women should get jobs combined, in the eyes of the rest of the Greek community, you are more or less “exactly the same.”

The reason you lose PNMs to them (even though that should literally never ever happen because they suck) is because you recruit the same types of girls. Chances are, a large portion of your chapter went to their preference round (and picked your sorority first, because they were smart). Hell, you might have preffed with them. And if you didn’t hate them and everything they stand for so much, you’d probably be great friends. Your roommate is actually in that heinous sorority and you genuinely like all of her friends. Makes it really awkward to talk about Greek life with her. Still doesn’t change the fact that as a whole, you still hate them. You are constantly competing with them for your rightful spot in sorority rankings whether it’s #1/2, #7/8, or # please don’t put us last.

Our instinct to hate them for these reasons is natural, but (arguably) the most important piece to the puzzle is guys. Nothing fuels girl hate like boy love and it seems almost every girl in your sorority (or her Big, or her Little) has beef with at least one girl in that sad excuse for a sorority (or her Big, or her Little). The most bizarre and unfortunate phenomenon is that this extends past individuals and becomes a chapter-wide crazy girlfriend problem. That is to say…you like the same fraternities, and the same fraternities like you. It’s mildly acceptable when the other fraternities in your social circle make the dumb choice to mix with those girls, but problems arise when your favorite fraternity does, which happens pretty much once a semester…just as frequently as you mix with their favorite. However, as any normal, irrational girl would do, we ignore that (or gloat in it, either way) and take their mixer to heart, view it like they cheated on us, creep on the pictures excessively, and take your wrath out on the other girls.

As much as you want to do something awful to them, like report them for all of their dirty rushing, sabotage their Greek Sing routine, or devise some sort of method to publicly humiliate them…don’t do it. It’s so low to go out of your way to do something to hurt another chapter. Even though they would do it to you. Even though they have done it to you. Even though they deserve it. You know what? Fuck it. If you have something on them, do it. You’re classy ‘til you’re caught. Game on, bitches. See you in hell.

Totally kidding. PanLAM.

Email this to a friend

For More Photos and Videos

Latest podcasts

New Stories

Load More