You Hate Sluts Because You’re Jealous

You Hate Sluts Because You're Jealous

Blondes, brunettes, whatever — sluts have more fun. They get lots of sex, are usually fairly good-looking, and have a pretty decent personality. Sure, we hate them because they shamelessly flirt with our guy friends and they try to have sex with our boyfriends (okay, so he’s not actually my boyfriend, but still). They’re usually open to talking about sex, and wear short shorts and low cut shirts for attention. When you see one of them out, you instinctively roll your eyes, or turn and gossip to your sisters about the last time you saw her “accidentally” flash your TA while she was reaching across the desk to turn in her paper.

But let’s think about those girls after they’ve settled down. They end up with a guy who actually likes them for their personality, because they put out on the first date and he still called her back. They get the big diamonds because they weren’t afraid to try #buttstuff, and they could suck the paint off his pledge paddle. Also, they’re probably having amazing sex because they got so much practice when they were younger. These horny young coeds turn into happy, successful, women because they weren’t afraid to be loose with their values among other things. These girls get the good internships, because they’re outgoing, personable, and okay maybe they also slept with a partner at the firm. But who cares? Just take a page from Hillary’s book; everyone knows the easiest way to get the job you want is to sleep with the person who has it. I mean, how do you think I got this writing gig?

Sure, they might not have “morals.” Perhaps they’ve had more than a few “pregnancy scares.” Hell maybe they even had an “STD” from spring break sophomore year. (But it’s okay, it was just Chlamydia. Totally fixable.)

She might be the classic party girl with a slight “drug problem” or she could be the quiet, composed, sexy-librarian type girl from your econ class. Sluts come in all shapes and sizes. You might love one because she’s the sister who always has a good story Sunday morning, or you might hate one because she slept with your high school ex-boyfriend. Either way, deep down you’re secretly jealous of her wildness and ability to withstand the pain of a Brazilian every two weeks.

Society decided it was “bad” for a woman to use her womanhood for anything other than male pleasure and reproduction. Other women turn up their noses at girls whose fathers never loved them enough to teach them to keep their knees together. Historically, sluts have always gotten the shaft. From Hester Prynne, to Monica Lewinsky, it’s always the one with the vagina’s fault. It’s a super shitty double standard, but hey, if it means you can make out with girls sometimes and still be totally straight (just 69x hotter) then suck it up and move on.

Sex is fun. Sex is healthy. Sex is pretty fucking great. So let’s stop slut shaming and start sleeping around. It’ll make you happier in the long run and besides, haven’t you always kind of wanted to?

Image via Shutterstock

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