You Can Pay $12,397 To Literally Have Sex With Christian Grey

Sex With 50 Shades

Okay, okay, we get it. He’s hot, she’s submissive, he whips her, and she likes it. After a whirlwind of books, the record-breaking movie, and petitions to shut the shit down, “Fifty Shades of Grey” is all anyone seems to be able to talk about. It’s pretty much official: People are obsessed. So obsessed that someone decided that it would be a great idea to turn this fantasy into a reality. Women in Los Angeles and New York City can now skip the “taking my boyfriend to a sex shop and buying Ben Wa balls” step and go straight to the real thing. And yes, there is a real thing, so help us God.

It’s called “The Fifty Shades Experience,” and it is actually insane.

Basically, you can spend $12,397 to play pretend Christian and Anastasia with a stranger. The (very basic) website outlines the offer as:

“Two days with Christian at Escala
Fly with his Helicopter over the city
Sign the Dominant – Submissive Contract
BDSM in the “Red Room of Pain”
Dinner with dialogues from the movie”

That’s right. For the price of a car, you can spend two days calling some stranger “Christian” while he utters awkward lines from the movie to you. If you thought they were cheesy on camera, just imagine how cringeworthy they will be in person while flying in a helicopter. Okay, well, the helicopter part is actually cool, but what if you realize you don’t like the guy? Because this Christian fella? Yeah, you’ll be having sex with him. A lot of it. In a “red room of pain.” Only thing is, it’s not the actor playing Christian Grey, but some random BDSM pro. Now, call me old-fashioned, but something smells like prostitution. Naturally, before anything can happen, you have to sign the contract. Take a look at what you’ll be agreeing to with the “professional dominant.”

Personal Things To Consider

50 Shades Contract
Via The Fifty Shades Experience

LOL. Wait a second. “All costs will be met by the Dominant”? Uh. No. Actually, all costs are met by the absurd lust-money of sexually deprived moms who just shelled out $12,000. And as for the whole “be waxed, don’t get drunk” thing? Sorry, if I’m paying thousands of dollars, I’m going to do whatever I want. I’ll shave my legs if I want to shave my legs, and I’ll get plastered if I want to get plastered. Considering the fact that I’ll be fucking a stranger in a BDSM room, I’ll need to be white girl wasted. Sorry, fake Christian.

Sexual Things To Consider

50 Shades Contract 2
Via The Fifty Shades Experience

The only plus I can see in this is that they took out fisting and anything anal-related. I guess the folks at “Fifty Shades of Prostitution” know that ladies aren’t about the butt stuff. Power move, guys.

I know what you must be thinking: “Who the hell would actually want to do this?” (At least, I hope that’s what you’re thinking). Fifty-two horny women apparently want to do this. They’ve already paid and have backordered the whole “experience” until April. So, ladies, if you have $12,397 and no dignity, Mr. Grey will see you. Insider tip: You don’t need years’ worth of tuition to have gross sex with a random. That’s what Tinder is for.

[via Elite Daily, The Fifty Shades Experience]

Image via Shutterstock

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Rachel Varina

(yeahokaywhat) Aspiring to be the next Tina Fey, Rachel spends her free time doing nothing to reach that goal. While judging people based on how they use "they're" vs. "there" on social media, she likes eating buffalo chicken dip, watching other people's Netflix, and wearing sweatpants way more than is socially acceptable.

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