If you took a health class in high school, you learned about how sex can kill you. They whipped out pics of warty dongs like a medical version of Scared Straight. To try to offer some support in your inevitable time of terror and doom, they waved around slimy plastic bags and instructed to put it inside our vaginas or on the outsides of guy’s penis. So why is it that female condoms, just like calculus, are taught to us but never used in real life?
To understand how a female condom works, Planned Parenthood made a cutesy video to try to explain it. What they forgot to mention is how goddamn hard it must be to try to get that up in there. Apparently, it can be inserted just like a tampon, except the tampon is a plastic shopping bag with rings in it.
Because the demand is low, so is the supply, making them more expensive than male condoms. Not only are they not available, they aren’t fun enough for people. Male condoms have all kinds of crazy textures and tastes, while the female condom resembles something you would find in a hospital.
There are plenty of fact-based reasons why they aren’t popular, but I think we can all agree the reason know one uses them is because they are DISGUSTING. There is absolutely no way in hell that having that plastic sack could be even remotely enjoyable. We already have enough barriers that keep women from enjoying sex, we don’t need a physical one. Female condoms do help prevent STDs, but as far as birth control goes, men have it easy. We are taking pills, getting shots, and jamming foreign objects inside our bodies just to keep us from getting pregnant, while men just have to slide on a condom. It’s a positive thing to have all of the available birth control methods that we can, but I think it’s time to lay this archaic version to rest. I don’t think anyone will miss it..