Congratulations to everyone who survived this weekend. For most schools, it was a formal, date party, or holiday party weekend, and questionable actions were committed all over the country. Personally, my weekend included almost getting knocked out by two townies in a bar fight, running around in an ugly sweater, jingle bell boxers, and a tutu, and finally almost dying during a Wawa run because my friend thought it’d be fun to make his car fishtail in a snowstorm. Knowing today I would be thinking something along the lines of “What is my life?”, my twin sent me this story as a means to say, “Well, at least you’re not this bitch.”
Crystal Brooks, 33, of Kingsport, Tennessee, ran over her boyfriend and baby daddy, Santiago Hernandez, not once, not twice, but three times after he refused to stop at McDonald’s. After Brooks’ request to quench her thirst for Chicken McNuggets was blatantly denied by Hernandez, she demanded he pull over so that she could drive. When Hernandez stepped out of the Chevrolet S-10 truck, Brooks slid across to the drivers seat, and waited until her boyfriend was in front of the truck, and hit the gas, knocking her boyfriend onto the hood of the car. She reversed, sending him to the ground, then did it again two more times.
How can either of them explain this with a straight face? The guy gets hit by his own truck because he didn’t want to stop at McDonald’s when his girlfriend wanted to. He might as well wear a sign his entire life saying “Yes, my balls are literally grabbed so hard by my girlfriend that I’m barely a man anymore.” He will never live this down, ever. I hope he’s friends with someone who will literally remind him of this incident every single day, because it’s that hilarious. Besides damage to his ego, Hernandez seems to be doing okay.
From The Smoking Gun
A responding officer noted that Hernandez had abrasions on his arm and back, and his “clothing appeared torn, consistent with being dragged on the pavement.”
As for Brooks, she literally told the police that her rationale for this was because she was mad they did not go to McDonald’s. This is taking “crazy bitch” to a whole new degree. This bitch kicks her boyfriend out of his own truck, then proceeds to hit THE FATHER OF HER CHILD THREE TIMES just because HE DIDN’T WANT TO GO TO MCDONALD’S AND EXPECTS THAT TO BE A LEGITIMATE REASONING.
So for all you who are in the library, trying to make up for the time you were drinking jungle juice instead of studying for your final today, be grateful. You could’ve been this bitch. Or worse, her whipped boyfriend.