Woman Calls 911 For Not Having Enough Cheese On Her Pizza


I fucking love cheese. My first sentence as a baby was “more cheese please” and I don’t think my Mom has ever been prouder. Gouda, Goat, Mozzarella, Ricotta, Brie, Bleu, those powder packets that come in boxes of Kraft Mac & Cheese – all of it and more.

But last night a Canadian woman mayyybe went a little overboard with her obsession with the moon substance. According to Canadian police, a woman legit called 911 because there wasn’t enough cheese on her pizza. That’s right, as in “I need to contact the authorities because me, or someone close to me is in imminent danger” type of emergency.

Here’s the amazing, firsthand account:

The individual had an issue with the company she bought the pizza from, and there wasn’t enough cheese, and had approached the company and didn’t like whatever response they had given,” he said Monday. “I’m not sure if by calling us they assumed there was some sort of action we could take, or what the situation was, but of course we advised the individual they just needed to speak with the manager of the company and not the police.

Now, let me just start out by saying, I don’t totally disagree with this woman. I mean, what else is going on in a remote area of Newfoundland on a Monday night? They probably didn’t even have cable to watch Chad and all his Bachelorette glory. I give her credit for sticking up for her rights as a lawful pizza paying citizen. She believes in cheese equality for all, which is basically a ratified amendment in my book.

So to this unidentified hero woman: You really should consider moving to America. We understand your struggle and will embrace you with open arms. #Cheese2016

[via Time]

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Drunk but not in love

(@DrunkNOTinLove) is a die-hard Splenda addict who requires a constant supply of caffeine and male attention to make it through the day. After graduating with her degree in Economics, she now focuses her energy on adding a "Home" to her degree title by perfecting the "intelligent drunk," and conning a banker into marrying her one day. Originally from New England, she is a hardcore Boston sports fan, but only when boys are around. Almost all of her calories consumed Thursday - Saturday (and the occasional Tuesday) are from $7 bottles of Yellowtail Moscato, and in no way, shape, or form is she fazed by this. All forms of hate mail and date party inquiries can be sent to

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