We hear it all the time: “Get over it. It’s not worth your time. Move on.” And when it comes to boys, WE KNOW. DUH. OBVIOUSLY. We know he’s not important. We know it’s wrong to stalk his Facebook every hour on the hour, and sure, we know showing up at locations where he’s going to be is immature. And painful. And toxic to our mental health and livers. WE. KNOW. But, when it comes to being full of girl power and glitter, we’re moving in the right direction, thanks to the countless articles about how you’re awesome and he sucks that have pictures of carefree girls laughing and smiling about how great life is. I know this because I’ve written quite a few of them. And it’s true–you are awesome, and he does suck.
Unfortunately, we’re directing that carefree, moving on, full of glitter attitude toward the wrong person. When it comes to boys, it really isn’t him who upsets us. We’ve learned from an early age that women are from Venus, and men are just idiots. The problem isn’t the men. The problem is those other Venus women who also hang out with OUR idiot men.
When we end a relationship with a guy, we usually do the whole “let’s be best friends” thing for a while. We still text. We still hang out. We still laugh and act like everything is okay until all of a sudden, he stops texting back. He stops hanging out. And he starts laughing with someone else. A female someone else.
That’s when we perform the act we have perfected since birth. We go batshit crazy.
We tell him not to hang out with her. We stalk her incessantly. We ask all of our friends who’s prettier (you are, obviously). We suddenly want him back. We don’t understand what he sees in her. We check her Instagram followers. We see who liked her pictures. We decide if she’s funny (she’s not). We look at her prom pictures. We block her. We unblock her. We accidentally friend request her. We look at swimsuit photos of her like a creep and compare our body to hers. We look at pictures of her with OUR man. We decide she must be a bitch. We check mutual friends. We see how often she tweets. We look at her job history. We stalk her pictures from 2007.
And we don’t just reserve that behavior for an ex’s new romantic interest. We do this with the girl who likes waaaay too many pictures of his. We do this with our current boyfriend’s ex-girlfriends and former hookups. We do this to girls we thought had a thing with a guy we once dated (or currently date). We even do it to girls we didn’t get along with in high school and to girls we just don’t like.
Huh. Kind of pathetic, isn’t it?
So, quick question: WHY THE HELL ARE WE DOING THIS?
What do we gain? It doesn’t feel good. I know whenever I go on a stalking binge, the side effects are awful. It’s almost as if I come down with a flu filled with insecurity and regret. I get hot all over. Angry. Judgmental. Insecure. I question my relationship with the guy. I question if my life and future is better than hers. I question my self-worth.
These women are just living their live,s and most likely, they’re pathetically stalking another girl, too. There is ALWAYS going to be someone before you, and thank goodness, because otherwise you wouldn’t be with the man you’re with today, or that you will be with tomorrow.
And as for the women after? Be the bigger person. It didn’t work out with you and the guy. It’s hard. You loved him. I know, I did the whole “let’s look engagement rings” thing, too. I know. But, believe it or not, there are other people. Other guys. Better guys. Let the new bitch have him. It doesn’t mean she’s better than you. It means you had a great chapter in your life with a (hopefully) great guy, and now that chapter is over and it’s her turn to take over the book.
Instead of spending so much time and energy on these other girls, why don’t we spend it on a more deserving woman? You know, ourselves. If you can’t avoid checking her social media shit, block her. If you can’t stop thinking about her, focus your mind elsewhere. If you can’t stop obsessing about her, take a good, hard look at yourself and realize all of the amazing traits you have. No matter how nice her hair is or how big her boobs are, she can’t take away your what you have inside of you. Ultimately, you only have one person to worry about, one person to change, and one person to better: yourself.
And, like, instead of being a batshit crazy bitch, try being a badass bitch. It has a much better ring to it.