Why Throwback Thursday Is The Worst


Throwback Thursday is always one of two things: 1) You want people to see that you are still as fun as you used to be, and you’ve got the pics to prove it. or 2) You loved high school and it loved you right back. Both of these are the worst, but people will give you a sympathetic “like” anyway.

The other day, my bestie joked “Can I #tbt this picture?” She showed me a shirtless, bathroom mirror selfie that her ex-boyfriend had sent her. (They ended things terribly because, you know, he fucking sucks). This got us thinking…there are some really terrible things in our past that should never be re-visited. Here are a few throwbacks that make me want to throw up:

1) ANYTHING involving an ex.
What if you posted a snapshot of the two of you on a date/on your birthday/kissing on by a sunset? LOL. Not only would his new, uglier girlfriend get pissed off, he would obviously want you back right away. You’re too good for him.

2) A traumatic scar/surgery/hospital experience.
We don’t want to see that disgusting scar anyway, and I DEFINITELY don’t want to see it with a hipster filter. If you can imagine someone would say “ew” and then show it to all their roommates, reconsider.

3) A person that changed your life for the worse.
A TBT of a friend that hooked up with your boyfriend? Only if you can both laugh (cry) about it now. Which you can’t, so just keep passively aggressively hating her.

4) Any kind of selfie from a terrible night.
A drunken selfie from the night your boyfriend dumped you for a high school senior? Keep that one locked up. Maybe even consider deleting it.

5) Images of incriminating events.
Sure, you keyed an ex-boyfriends car. Or shattered his prized possession. Even though it makes you and your partners-in crime really proud, the police probably wouldn’t be thrilled. And someone who knows someone who knows your ex will DEFINTELY screenshot it and send it right to him.

6) Dick Pics.
…or can you?

7) Some escapade that happened literally a week ago.
If you’re still in the same month, it doesn’t even qualify. Are you really that desperate to post something? There’s got to be a cute picture of you as a baby floating around somewhere in your iCloud.

8) The most annoying of them all, is the self-hate #tbt.
Yeah, I would kill to have my high school bod back. Instagram would be blessed to see my angsty teenage self in a bikini, but it would also let everyone see how far I’ve slipped downward. Keep it for personal work out motivation.

The lesson here, folks, is some things are better left thrown way in the past.
Like really, throw them in the past –and in the garbage. You’re better off now without these past happenings, so keep them there. Throwback Thursday should disappear along with all of those junior high pictures anyways.

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BlingleWhiteFemale (@BlingleWhiteFem) is a single blonde female who spends her days campaigning for First Lady. She is a contributing writer for Total Sorority Move.

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