Why No Girl Is Ever Really “One Of The Guys”

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There are tons of girls who try to claim they’re just “one of the guys.” Sadly, even I succumbed to this phrase once or twice in my college years. Yeah, you can feel like you’re in their friend group. You can pregame with them. You can challenge them to a game of pong, and, at the very least, you can give them a run for their money. You can sing-scream classic rock songs at the top of your lungs and finish your performance by shotgunning some disgusting excuse for a beer. But at a certain point, you can’t truly be “one of the guys”–and deep down, you know it.

You’ll always be a little jealous when they talk about other girls’ boobs. You’ll always be offended when they call the loser of a drinking game a pussy. You’ll get sick of the smell of vomit, sex, and weed leaking from their rooms. You’ll never walk into one of their bathrooms and be completely okay with whatever the fuck that is on the toilet. You’ll never just wake up and go straight to class–well, so long as you don’t sleep through your alarm. You’ll never have itchy balls, and you’ll never have that other dangling appendage start to creep up at the slightest glimpse of a short skirt.

There are just some things girls can’t relate to, and that’s perfectly okay. In fact, if you said you were okay with some of these things, I’d have to slap some sense into you. I get it. They have the “best” parties. It can be nice to have a little break from the girls. They don’t judge you. But you are NOT one of them. You don’t have a penis. You don’t know the difference between a halfback and a fullback. You will never order bourbon on the rocks. You’re not an insensitive douchebag. You’re a beautiful, rowdy, smart, and crazy woman, and that’s even better than being “one of the guys.”

I mean, why can’t we party as hard as the boys, drink as much as the boys, fuck as much as the boys, swear as much as the boys, and smoke as much as the boys without pretending to BE one of the boys? We can do all of the same stuff without the label and still proudly display our feminine nature. We can play sports but still proudly wear bows in our hair. We can be destructively fun but have the decency to clean up after ourselves. We can have just as many one-night stands and still hold our heads high. We can host the best parties and drink out of our personally designed mugs and coolers. We can do anything the guys can do, and we can do it all while having just as much fun being girls.

So the next time you’re about to claim that you’re just like “one of the guys,” think about what that really means. Think about what you’re implying about your female cohorts. You deserve better. We all deserve better. So, please, stop trying to be something you’re not and start embracing who you are. After all, as the great Beyoncé once said, “Who run the world? GIRLS.”

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premed donna

Who said you can't be smart and funny? When I'm not writing for TSM, you can find me studying into oblivion, downing a bottle of chardonnay, and/or sobbing for reasons I have yet to understand. All hate fan mail can be sent to

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