Why is it that we spend hours obsessing over the perfect outfit or the correct emoji placement for a two-word text? Even the most confident girl can become weak at the knees if the right guy looks in her direction. We hold back our emotions and claim we’re “fine with just hooking up” because we don’t want to look clingy or overly emotional. Why do we have to feel so much shame over being human–and even more importantly–female?
There is that cliché little mantra, “If you don’t love me at my best, you don’t deserve me at my worst” and it’s a cliché because it is true. I am not saying that we need to let our freak flags fly the first time we meet a guy, but why is it so terrible if you text one too many emojis or if you instigate hanging out?
We spend four years of our lives watching these little romances play out at bars and parties. We sacrifice study time to stalk our crush’s Twitter because it’s less clingy than a text saying, “Hey, what are you up to?” In the end, all of the trouble we go to in an effort to look “chill” ends up backfiring and making us look psycho anyway. We find out everything you could ever know about a guy through his Facebook and Twitter. Then we end up looking much more “crazy” in the long run when we drunkenly slip up and mention his dog back home that he’s never told us about.
One of my best friends was talking to a guy and he acted like the world revolved around her. My friend, a virgin, refused to sleep with him because she wasn’t ready. After two months of her getting really attached to this guy, he decided he was bored and he ditched her. To this day, she still wonders if hooking up would have kept him around. If a guy we like wants to hook up, we go along with it because there is always someone else out there he can get it from and we don’t want that. We use one of the only advantages we have in an effort to keep them interested. If a guy sketches out because you actually care about him, then he clearly isn’t ready for that commitment–which sucks, but he doesn’t deserve your time. You shouldn’t have to use sex to keep him around.
The other day a guy I know actually said, “I’m just really good at turning girls into clingers.” Did it ever occur to him that maybe they became attached to him because of how he was acting? Probably not. But that’s the kind of attitude guys have that lead us to act so closet-insane.
The attitude some guys have about girls is sad. Guys, If you don’t want a girl to get emotionally invested in you, don’t act like you like her just so you have a hook up. I hate to break it to you, but girls are hormonal messes from the day we get our first period to the end of menopause. Accept it and learn to love it. At the very least, it will give you interesting stories to share with your bros over a beer and some wings.
My point is that there is no reason for us to be ashamed of being emotional and for caring about someone. We shouldn’t downplay our feelings if we really care about someone, because it leads to crying at 2 a.m. and drowning our sorrows in a glass (bottle) of wine.