Why Being The “Cool” Girlfriend Is Detrimental To Your Relationship

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Stop trying so hard to be the “cool” girlfriend. It’s a myth. There is a fine line between doing something for a person because you care about him and being miserable in a desperate attempt to win the title of “cool” girlfriend.

I know I’m not the only girl who isn’t really down to watch her boyfriend play video games with his friends. Learn how to play them so I can join in? Sure! I can kick it with some occasional FIFA. Watch? No. What do I look like, a houseplant he can water with a vodka soda and leave sitting in the corner? Going shot for shot with his friends may be impressive the first few times, but shortly after, when he’s holding your hair back or you’re making an ass out of yourself because you’re plastered, it won’t be. I am a firm believer that you should only sit in a sports bar for some obscure game because you’re genuinely interested in it. Life is too short to pretend you give a damn about something you don’t, and you should never feel guilty for expressing that you’re not super thrilled with the way you’re being treated. If you don’t express your feelings, how is he supposed to know you’re not satisfied? A guy who cares will learn from his mistakes and make sure you’re never put in a situation you’re uncomfortable with again.

That doesn’t mean you get to throw a fit every time you go see a movie he’s interested in instead of the most recent rom-com, or when he wants to watch his team play instead of hang out with you. Not trying to rack up “cool” girlfriend points just means you’re comfortable enough in your relationship that you aren’t trying to be someone you’re not. Isn’t the the key to a successful relationship being unabashedly yourself? If you aren’t being yourself and he finds out slowly along the way that you don’t actually love “SportsCenter” or spending Friday nights at local breweries, then you’re not the “cool” girlfriend. You’re the deceptive girlfriend.

That said, we sometimes do things we aren’t particularly psyched about for the people we love. Blow jobs, wings for dinner every now and then, or going to see his little sister’s dance performance fit into that category. Sitting in silence, save for the occasional forced chuckle because he and his friends are telling “you just had to be there” stories for two hours, doesn’t.

Why is it that we are expected to sit around and suffer through a game we don’t care about with his friends, but we’d never dream of inviting him to go shopping with our friends or join in on wine and movie night with our roommates? It’s simple–guys aren’t trying to be the “cool” boyfriend. It’s so much easier for him to say, “Eh, I’ll pass, see you after,” because he isn’t trying to negate the whiny, selfish, high maintenance stereotype that we have to try so hard to prove isn’t us.

If you’re being 100 percent yourself and he’s still around, then congratulations, lady! You’ve got something good going on. If you’re choking back a scream because the game is going into overtime and you’ve already wasted four hours of your life bored-eating a disgusting amount of cheese dip, all because you’re trying to be the “cool” girlfriend, then you have a problem. Just stop. If you love sports, video games, and craft IPAs, good for you. You’ll make some guy really happy. But those of us who don’t enjoy sports, don’t get the point of video games, and prefer Michelob Ultra can make the right guy really happy, too. Be yourself and if he’s still there, cool. If not, move on. He wasn’t right for you anyway.

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