When THOSE Friends Have Boyfriends

As much as I would love to say I always have the best interests of my friends ahead of my own, I can’t say that I honestly do. I feel totally entitled to a few moments of selfishness, so, I have them from time to time. That being said, I know that every girl should wish that all of her best friends find their soulmates and ride off into the sunset with them, or whatever, but truth be told, some girls just NEED to stay single…not for their own good, but for my own sanity. There, I said it.

We all have that ONE friend that is perpetually single, and SO much fun because of it. She’s the go-to girl when you just NEED to drink at 1:00 in the afternoon and everyone else is busy having their shit together. She is the absolute best person to go out with after a breakup because she’s totally judgment-free when it comes to your random, drunk rebound hook-ups, because she’s all about non-committed hook-ups. This girl may be a little out of control, but she is beyond fun and everyone loves her for it…until she gets a boyfriend and does a complete 180. All of a sudden, she’s all about “movie nights” and “staying in.” Um, what? Not only is it annoying to lose quality time with your bff because she got a boyfriend, but it’s beyond annoying to see her go from the party animal she was to the homebody she thinks she has to become in order to become a good girlfriend. She doesn’t realize it’s possible to go out and have fun with your sisters and still come back to your boyfriend. She thinks that because she’s finally in a relationship for the first time in forever, she has to stop being fun all of a sudden, which would not be less true. Of course, there’s the obvious truth that she can’t go out the same way she used to, but, sans drunk random makeouts and that one time she did too many shots and took her top off, she’s totally fine to bring to the bars…if only you could convince her of this.

On the other hand, there’s the other friend who is ALWAYS in a relationship. This girl hasn’t been single since she was 6, generally because she has no idea what it’s like to live life without having a boy to text every hour of the day. This girl, even though we love her, is generally a stage five clinger. If she’s in a relationship, she has tunnel vision when it comes to guys; she only thinks about, sees, or talks to, her current boyfriend. Once she’s single again, she’ll go out and get crazy for a little while…only to find herself in a relationship within a month with the first guy she found suitable. This girl is able to go out when she’s in a relationship, because she’s so used to being attached that she’s learned to have a social life outside of her relationship. However, this friend is totally annoying when she has a guy in her life. She literally becomes obsessed with her boyfriend, and he is ALL she wants to talk about. She brings him up in conversations even though he’s completely irrelevant to the discussion at hand. She texts him while you’re watching Pretty Little Liars and then continues to ask, “wait, what happened?” when she was too busy with her text conversation to pay attention. She spends the nights that she doesn’t spend with him on the phone before bed…and then, if one of them goes home for the weekend, she secludes herself to Skype with her bf. She is a constant reminder of why you’re glad your single – you’ve done something with yourself over the past 24 hours that didn’t involve keeping a running update of your every move to your boyfriend. This girl may be a great friend, but she is beyond annoying to be friends with when she has a boyfriend. Sometimes, it’s impossible to deal with the fact that she can’t put her phone away for two seconds because she and her boyfriend are obsessed with each other. It’s beyond nauseating to hear about the cute things they call each other. It’s also the absolute worst to hear someone yelling on Skype at 3:00 AM.

And of course, there’s the friend that is pretty normal when she’s single, if it weren’t for the fact that she likens herself to some type of maneater all of the time. She’s the friend that always makes sure to let you know how many guys want to date her at any given time, until you finally reach your breaking point of asking, “okay, well then why are you single then?” When she finally does get a boyfriend, she is the most unbearable of all. All of a sudden, this boyfriend is suddenly your new roommate, and you’re witnessing their sickening love display first hand. She dangles the fact that she’s dating someone in front of your face in a very “Cady, tell him his hair looks sexy pushed back” fashion. At any given point, she’s so excited that she’s exclusive with someone that she enlightens you on all the vomit-inducing details you really don’t care about, such as how PERFECT their date was, or what “ADORABLE” thing her new boyfriend did for her recently. There’s nothing wrong with sharing the details about how great her love life is, but there is everything wrong with over-sharing and being completely insensitive to the fact that you’re single…and she’s annoying. This is the girl that becomes completely incapable of believing that life existed before she had her new Prince Charming, so much that when she’s making her wedding board on Pinterest, she actually believes she’s planning her upcoming nuptials to the new boyfriend who is SO in love with her. Gross.

Essentially, I think it’s great when my friends are in happy relationships. I might be a bitter, single girl who’s current dating life consists of yelling at my mom when she makes me an E-harmony profile, but, I really do want my friends to be happy. I just can’t deal when my friends turn into these relationship-obsessed, domesticated shells of what used to be fun girls.


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