What Your Hairstyle Says About You

A girl’s style, as defined by a professional stylist (AKA me), is the way she expresses herself through the venues of fashion, accessories, and hair styling. Each of these things tells a story about a girl–mostly in order for other girls to judge her. Hey, don’t blame me. I don’t make the rules. So, if you, too, consider yourself a professional stylist (also synonymous with “has a lot of Pinterest followers” and “reads magazines like they’re the Bible”), you understand that the following hairstyles are pertinent for making impressions. So, what does your hairstyle say about you?


PixieImage via On Hairstyles

There are two versions of the pixie girl. First, you have your Jennifer Lawrence pixie. She’s probably a theater major and daring enough to cut her long locks for a part in the school play while still keeping it classy for Mom and Pop. Then, you have your Miley Cyrus pixie, and, while this girl looks like she may have recently lost a battle with a wood chipper, you realize she’s actually pretty fucking awesome–insane, but awesome. Either one of these girls could be an art major. They’re edgy, spunky, wild, but, most of all, they’re tons of fun. Not everyone wants to be the pixie girl, but you most certainly want to be friends with her.

French Braid

French Braid

This girl is everything opposite of Miss Pixie. She’s probably majoring in religion, music (the classical kind), or history. Yawn. Just like her perfectly placed tresses, she is pristine right down to her equestrian boots, because, of course, she’s on the team. I would guess her spare time is mostly spent either at Bible study or baking cupcakes to bring to Bible study. I’m not complaining, though. Everyone needs a good, motherly figure in the friend group.

The Sock Bun

Sock Bun

Sock bun girl has the biggest ‘do on campus, but I’m not sure which is bigger: her hair or her ego. She’s trendy with a love for Pinterest exceeding that of her own mother. You might catch her and her oversized headwear walking around campus in oversized sunglass, a flowy shirt, and a giant, slouchy tote bag. Literally everything about this girl is oversized, except the girl herself. She’s Mary Kate on the bottom and Kim Kardashian on top.

Asymmetric Cut

AsymetricImage via Total Restyle

This girl is as edgy and hipster-esque as her hairstyle. She’s the type that tends to make a lot of regrettable choices (such as her most recent haircut), but she doesn’t really care. Her major is probably one of those made-up, randomly-put-together, liberal-artsy ones that gets featured in the college newsletter to exemplify how “unique” the campus is. Have fun finding a job after studying some random mix of useless languages paired with an overused modern art form and a little economics thrown on top for good measure.



The curly girl is a classic broad. She’s bubbly and goes with the flow, much like her bouncy curls. You might see her wearing a floral headband at a music festival or a red, white, and blue side bow at a summer picnic. She is perfectly imperfect, with an effortless hairstyle that actually takes hours to create. But don’t worry, we’ll all just keep pretending she didn’t try too hard.



The straight look is the basic bitch of hair, the French manicure of nails, and the fake-bake tan before formal. She drinks a lot of chardonnay, dances like a true white girl, and drunk texts ex-flings every Saturday night at 2 a.m. on the dot. Her look mocks perfection to cover up the wild mess underneath–both her natural hair and personality. We’ve all been her at one point or another, so we won’t judge.

The Bow


This girl is a walking stereotype. She screams sorority girl with every inch of her body. Her bow headband can either be paired with an oxford and boat shoes or a bright, floral sundress with Jack Rogers–and pearls, she never forgets the pearls. She’s the type every guy in pastel shorts wants to take home to Mom, but she’ll still do a keg stand every now and then. “Just don’t post it on Facebook, okay guys?” I would say she’s the perfect mixture of preppy and fun, but that’s exactly what she wants to hear, so I won’t give her that satisfaction.

The Ponytail


This can be either the “IDGAF, my hair is going into a pony today” or the super chic pony. Variations of the latter include, but are not limited to: side pony with hair wrapped around the ponytail, high pony with a bump, or some form of a top knot (not to be confused with the sock bun). The ponytail look is versatile, just like this girl. She ranges from stylish to sporty and can fit in well with any crowd. Whether you see her at the gym or out on the weekend, she’s always in high spirits–just maybe not as high as her hair.

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premed donna

Who said you can't be smart and funny? When I'm not writing for TSM, you can find me studying into oblivion, downing a bottle of chardonnay, and/or sobbing for reasons I have yet to understand. All hate fan mail can be sent to

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