Snaps for this gal. A girl who rocks a brushed and styled pony is a smartie who means business. She’s probably been awarded “Most Likely To Succeed” at some point in life. There’s no doubt she has a 4.0 GPA or is close to having one. This girl actually does all of her study hours and has no complaints about it. She will probably end up wearing a pantsuit and making bank once she graduates grad school. Wine nights and brunch dates with her girl friends hold a special place in her heart. She’s normally the one to put together such events. She’s a ray of sunshine and parents adore her. It’s very likely she will be the first of her friends to get wifed up. But don’t be fooled. The girl who keeps her hair neatly slicked back may seem like a goody-goody, but she’s actually Little Miss Promiscuous. She is the epitome of a “lady in the streets; freak in the sheets.” She had a sexual awakening as soon as she let down that ponytail at her first toga party, put on her foggy beer-goggles, and shacked for the first time. The dirtier and freakier in bed, the better. Her innocence hides somewhere behind all the books she reads.
A girl who has flawless shiny, straight hair that blows in the wind as she goes to class enjoys presenting herself well. However, she isn’t on the hunt for her next beau. She’s a total girly-girl, addicted to Instagram. Filters give her life purpose, or so she thinks. In the back of her mind she knows the real reason she’s so addicted to looking good via social media. She has a major case of Resting Bitch Face Syndrome. The more she smiles and posts sweet captions saying how much she loves her little, the less intimidating people think she is. She strongly believes that her life actually depends on her Lilly Pulitzer agenda. When you open the door to her room it’s always neat and pretty. Her bed is made and everything is in order. Calories are her real nemesis. Life would be unbearable without Diet Coke. And when she goes to bars she will only order vodka-infused drinks. When you lose her at a party, start checking for “that couple” passionately swapping spit. Making out is her aesthetic expertise. Yet, she would never date just anyone. This chick might pucker up to any guy with his hair combed back who can smooth talk her into meeting his lips with hers, but she has higher standards for actual relationships. Boyfriends are just for basic girls. She wants a manfriend, which is someone meant for top-notch ladies.
This bitch lives in her own little world and everyone loves her for it. Things she’s passionate about: sleeping, Netflix, and all kinds of food. Every social circle needs someone like her because she’s constantly cracking jokes. She doesn’t even have to try to be funny; it’s built into her DNA. Unlike her friends who are glued to their phones, she doesn’t really feel the need to check her mobile device all the time. This is why people worry she’s gone MIA, but really she’s just at home playing with her new puppy or some shit like that. She will Snapchat dorky faces to literally anyone. Even when she Snapchats her crush she isn’t worried about perfecting her selfie angle. Strangers at the bar like her because she’s super awkward, but in that cute way that most people can’t seem to pull off. If someone buys her a drink, she’ll accept it but will have no clue what to say next, so she’ll blurt out the first thing that comes to mind. Some people might say she gives too much information about her sex life, but she has nothing to be ashamed of. If anything she feels honored when guys tell her she gives blow jobs like a pornstar. Why wouldn’t she brag about that?
You love her, you hate her, you want to slap the shit out of her, and you want to vent about your boy problems to her. It’s hard to decide just how you feel about this woman. She’s the girl who cares way too much about her appearance. There’s no way she would walk out of the house in a t-shirt and norts. She’s the one who creates Groupme chats for literally everything. Going shopping with multiple people? Groupme is necessary. If she’s dating a Sigma Chi, there’s a Groupme conversation for the other Sigma Chi girlfriends. When you go to a party this chick is always “SOOOOO DRUNK.” There’s also a good chance that you will have to hold her hair back once her liver calls it quits and she begins puking her guts up within the first hour. This usually starts when she tries to impress guys by throwing back tequila shots. She’s the one who won’t finish her drink, but continues to ask for new ones anyway. Guys have mixed feelings about her because she’s a notorious tease. She’ll spend the night with a dude, but only because she thinks her one-night loveboy will want to canoodle. And of course this girl knows all the hot gossip. That’s why her hair is so big. It’s full of secrets.
This chick gives not three, not two, not one, but zero fucks about anything. Guys consider her one of the bros because she will shotgun a Coors Light with them on any given day of the week. She’s always the star athlete of her sorority for intramurals. Everyone loves her taste in music and will hand her the aux cord to blast jams on full volume. She’s constantly pestering the DJ to play whatever her heart desires. Surprisingly, when she does do her hair and makeup she’s a total dime. She’s a hottie and she knows it, which is why she doesn’t mind looking homeless going to class. People are impressed with her sense of style when she isn’t wearing a t-shirt. And boys are baffled when they see her outside of the classroom because, yes, she does indeed have a vag.
Night Before Hair
This little lady is quit the frat rat. The number of shack shirts hanging in her closet outnumbers the number of sorority shirts she owns. She’s attended at least one formal per fraternity. You’ll catch her with a Starbucks cup and sunglasses as she walks around campus thanks to the previous night. There’s no doubt she’ll pulverize you in any drinking competition, so it’s best not to ever be her opponent. All of the gaudy colored shots she bought everyone make up the majority of her tab. These shots always lead to her shaking her ass on any elevated surface. She will abandon her gang just to strut up to the tall boy ordering a whiskey coke and strike a conversation to figure out where the after party is. The best part about this chick is the fucked up stories she has to tell. Hearing about the time she ended up in another state and hooked up with a complete stranger, or the time she hitch hiked with a total hottie, is what you look forward to on Sundays. She might skip class a lot, but it’s probably because she’s too busy blowing the teaching assistant..