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What Your First One-Night Stand Is Like, As Told By “How I Met Your Mother”

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A girl’s first one-night stand is a weird, weird thing. It’s awkward, it’s confusing, and typically, the sex is pretty terrible. Arguably, by now, we’re all seasoned pros at the whole “no, you’re not spending the night, please put on your clothes and leave” thing, but there was a time when we were all just scared little one-night stand virgins. Let’s take a trip down memory lane, shall we?

Most of your friends have had one-night stands and you’re a little judgmental about it.

But you’ve decided that it’s time to be a little more spontaneous and go for it.

You head out with your ladies.

You ask one of your guy friends what to look for in a guy trying to pick you up.

He tells you dudes are pretty obvious.

You spot a hot guy across the room.

You strike up a conversation.

His conversation skills are kind of lacking.

In fact, he’s kind of a moron.

But you know what? Who cares? He’s hot. You decide to go for it.

In the car on the way to his place, you start to have second thoughts.

But you put aside your doubts and decide it’s go-time.

His reaction to your nakedness is positive.

You’re ready for the main event.

Which is over way too quickly — for you, anyway.

He rolls over and promptly goes to sleep. You want to be like:

Instead, you decide to leave since the sight of him is starting to piss you off.

As you head home, you figure at least you got a story out of it.

When you get home, you start to question your decision.

You try to talk to one of your roommates about it, but she doesn’t really get it.

You thank her for listening.

Internally, you still feel like:

But you cheer yourself up.

Because you know what? You’re pretty fucking awesome.

And you can do whatever the hell you want.

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Jenna Crowley

Jenna used to be known as 2NOTBrokeGirls, but then one of the girls actually went broke, so she's struck out on her own. Jenna spends her free time saving the world, one sorority girl at a time (usually while wearing yoga pants), questioning why she decided to get a doctorate, and documenting her love of all things cheese related. You can ask her anything you want about football, using your boobs to get what you want, and pizza at @JennaLCrowley on Twitter or via email at JennaLCrowley@gmail.com.

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