While “questionable” behavior with people of the opposite sex, no matter where you do it, is awesome, the location can say exactly what kind of person you are. They should replace those Jung and Brigg Myers personality tests with this because it’s way more accurate and relevant than just telling me I’m an extrovert that judges people. Trust me, I already know that.
After what, at the time, seemed like the most erotic DFMO ever, you realize that you just cannot wait to rip his clothes off. You make intense and almost dangerously long eye contact before “slyly” going into the handicap stall in the men’s room. (Why is everything wet in there?) You come out four and a half minutes later to endure the judgmental stares of your sisters. They just don’t see the beautiful love story that has blossomed.
What It Says About You: You don’t think about the long-term consequences of your actions and just do whatever feels right at the time. You still drink Skol, despite the fact that everyone else learned their lessons sophomore year of high school. It’s cheap and gets the job done even though you will painfully regret it the next morning. You are full of surprises. And warts.
You just met the coolest guy ever at a party thrown by one of the frats. Like seriously, wow, he’s so mature. Way better than every guy at your high school. College is SOO cool. You drank like two whole beers and you can’t believe you don’t even have to hide it from your parents. The guy asks to go back to your dorm because his is on the other side of campus. You end up doing a sad attempt at missionary because of your regretfully lofted bed before you start crying because “the only other guy I’ve ever been with was my high school boyfriend of four years.” Your roommate comes home, so he leaves, and you then proceed to cry for another 45 minutes.
What It Says About You: You’re a freshman. You’re new to the shacking game and haven’t yet repressed all feelings and possible emotional attachments. This is probably one of your first one-night stands, unless you’re a huge whore, and it can be super emotional. But totally cry if you want to because it’s not like you’ll end up seeing him at every mixer, or have eight classes with him, or live in the same apartment complex, twice, over the next four years.
The Frat Castle
Following some questionable activity in the basement of the fraternity along with some questionable ingredients in the jungle juice, you are smitten (or drunk. Or both.) with one of the sexy juniors in khakis and a bow tie. It is pathetically cliché how frat this guy is, but that’s making you even more attracted to him. Some call it Rohypnol, some call it love. Tomato, tomato. He entices you with a bottle of Grey Goose in his room and before you know it you’re waking up in a loud, dirty frat house with at least another thirty minutes of awkward ahead of you. If you can get out quietly, you may escape without a round of applause or the loss of your dignity.
What It Says About You: You like convenience and what’s logically the best option. You go with what works and don’t stray from the classics. You’ve never done an ombre or worn jeggings (even though they are the most perfect pants ever) or pierced your tragus or had anal (except that one time with this guy who was like basically your boyfriend but it hardly counts). You’re straight to the point and don’t do drama, even though Natalie keeps telling everyone how your ex, Tyler, keeps texting her but she’s just like “soo nice and would never ever do that to a sister,” but honestly Natalie, everyone hates you.
The Srat Castle
It’s late, and you can’t even stand the idea of spending another night in your current hookup’s frat house. You made what now seems like the horrible decision to live in a mansion coated with an air of class and abstinence. You’re dying to get it on, so you sneak your hottie in through the side door and up to your room. You check to see if the bitchy VP is in her room and quickly usher him down the hall. Of course Taylor has her door open, but she’s hands-down the biggest slut in your pledge class so she won’t be a problem. You get your bump-and-grind on between the sheets, then kick him out before the 8AM class-goers wake up.
What It Says About You: You’re a badass and we all hate you for it. You love to boast about all of the “craaazy shit” you do from breaking onto the football field or banging on top of the education building. The worst part is you literally never get into any trouble. I got called into standards for holding a beer can on Facebook, yet you are a hardened criminal who always gets off without even a slap on the wrist. We all pretend that we aren’t impressed with your stories but we totally are. We’re definitely jealous but would never admit it, so you’ll just go on being hated and we’re fine with that.