What Your Favorite “Real Housewives” City Says About You

Real Housewives

Fact: Real Housewives is the most important television series of all time. Nowhere else can you find more self-indulgent plot lines, bizarre manufactured drama, and undiagnosed personality disorders. That being said, not every franchise of this series is created equally. And your favorite one reveals a lot about you (just like with your mom and her favorite kid – because you know she has one). So read on to see what your favorite city says about you! Who knows, maybe you’ll gain some self-awareness…or maybe not. That’s honestly not what Real Housewives is about.

Orange County: The OG housewives. If this is your favorite city (or county? Municipality? Parish? Wait, where are we?) then you may have an affinity for McMansions, Coach handbags, sparkly halter tops, and bankruptcy. Just kidding! I hope! You’re a fan of the classics are have been known to finish a box wine in under four hours. You have also been known to to throw that same wine at the annoying girl who showed up at your house party and insulted your fake tan. Your favorite spring break destination is Cabo. Obviously.

New York City: Oh, you’re fancy (ish). You have a taste for the finer things in life and simply feel incomplete without a doorman, charity events to get shit-faced at, and oddly frequent photoshoots for a variety of third-tier magazines. You’re fond of name-dropping and consider yourself an entrepreneur, provided it doesn’t involve any actual business work. Your spring break choice is one of the European owned Caribbean Islands, so you can try out your rusty high school French.

Atlanta: Larger. than. life. You don’t have time for passive-aggressive bullshit. Some people think you’re an asshole, but who gives a fuck about them? Their weave is jank as shit. Your wardrobe consists of mostly designer labels and your personal motto is something along the lines of “the more cleavage the better.” You fancy yourself a karaoke superstar, though that’s still up for debate. Your spring break destination of choice is Vegas.

New Jersey: Oh, honey. You have some major issues. Primarily, your reliance on contouring. Much like Atlanta, people think you’re a little “much” but, hey, a little animal print never hurt anyone. You’re constantly in a fight, probably with a member of your family. You most certainly drive a leased Range Rover, only drink Starbucks, and have way too many tchotchkes.Your boyfriend is probably a meathead asshole and you should also probably dump him. Your favorite place to spring break is Panama City Beach.

Beverly Hills: Mo’ money, mo’ problems. Your truly staggering wealth makes you glamorous AF, but it comes with a sliiiiiightly dark undercurrent. Like, maybe you have the best clothes, but your big fucked your boyfriend for a few months but you decided to “forgive” her and you’re now engaged in a passive aggressive battle to the death. You throw a lot of extravagant parties for a lot of pointless reasons. You eat out every meal and have many bandage dresses. Your bag is designer but there are absolutely no logos anywhere. You “spring” along the coast of Mallorca.

Miami: This is absolutely no one’s favorite franchise. If it is, however, you are a liar.

Image via Youtube / TheTribalGuyCouncil

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I came for the wine, but I stayed for the complimentary appetizer sampler plate.

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