As sorority women, it’s our obvious nature to align ourselves with girls and have more girl friends than guy friends. During recruitment, we’re trained to keep an eye out for the girls who would fit in with our sisters (on the basis of both personality and appearance). We’re also trained to keep an eye out for girls who we would absolutely, NEVER consider for friendship, under any circumstances. As someone who’s been through both sides of recruitment, I can safely say that I live in fear of the girl who claims she doesn’t hang out with other girls because there’s “too much drama.” Worse than her, though, is the girl who seems unable to keep girl friends for longer than a few months at a time.
These girls are a rare breed, often making it difficult to identify them at first. I recently encountered one, and was absolutely blindsided by her true personality when it finally surfaced. I came to learn that there are two types of girls who are impossible to have as a friend. The first, as we know, is the girl who is upfront about her social ineptitude, citing “drama” (AKA, being a slut) as her reason for spending all of her time with men. Then there is the second type: the insidious bitch type, who seems great, until you examine the situation further and realize she’s wretched. There is generally only one excuse for this girl’s alienation, and it’s not her own horrible behavior. She refuses to own her faults, and instead blames those around her for her lack of companionship. Her culprit of choice is “jealousy.”
NEWSFLASH: we’re not jealous of you. You’re just an insufferable bitch.
Sometimes you’ll meet a girl who has just graduated high school, or has transferred to a new school, or has been otherwise thrust into a new group of people, after having had a falling out with all of her friends in her previous environment. If she uses “they were all just so jealous of me that they were mean to me any chance they could get” to explain why she’s come to this juncture in her life friendless, that’s a red flag. It would behoove you to be even more cautious of this girl than the one who claims that “girls are too much drama.” You are a girl. You should get along with other girls, and if you don’t it’s probably because you suck.
I’ve heard the “They’re just jealous of me,” excuse for as long as I can remember. While I will admit, on rare occasions, it has some validity, most of the time, it’s just the lazy excuse that accompanies a girl’s refusal to examine her own terrible actions. Yes, girls are jealous, by nature. There’s a reason I stalk every guy I think is even remotely attractive on Facebook, and trace every conversation he’s had with a female through social media. It’s because I’m paranoid and insane. However, I can honestly say that I have truly never, ever been jealous of someone I considered to be a friend. I am always genuinely happy for the girls I’ve accepted into my life, when something great is going on in theirs. Whether she aced her first semester of law school, or she just said “yes” to
a perfectly shiny, colorless, princess-cut diamond her soulmate’s proposal, I am happy for my friends. Jealousy is reserved, specifically, for girls I hardly know, who have one particular thing I want.
I’m sick of girls being so self-important that they somehow believe that every single time they do something bitchy, it’s not their fault. They think that “jealousy” is the reason they have no one to hang out with. In order to be envied, you must actually have something enviable.
I recently encountered a girl who transferred from another large university. At first, she seemed like a really fun girl. She was always eager to go out and have a good time, and seemed like the type of person that would do anything for her friends. Obviously, she seemed like a fantastic potential new addition to her chapter. It wasn’t until I got to know the new girl a little more that I realized one shocking fact: she didn’t have ANY friends, aside from the new acquaintances she made after her transfer. There was nobody from her past calling her to catch up, or begging for Skype dates. Her former sisters weren’t littering her Facebook with “I MISS YOUUU” or “COME BAAACCKK!!!” posts. The only person this girl spoke to for hours on the phone was her own mother, and I was confused as to why.
After some subtle-ish questioning, the only sufficient answer she provided was that, apparently, everyone from her last school was rude, bitchy, and overall, jealous of her. She described multiple instances where she had been made the victim by these crimes of jealousy, and I realized something was suspect about each scenario she posed to me. Yes, bitch fights happen, and yes, friends can do catty things to each other, but there is never, ever a likely scenario where the same person is victimized without reason.
Once I actually got to know this girl, I realized that “jealous” is a word girls use to make themselves feel better about their inability to make or keep friends. Nobody is jealous of the girl who spreads rumors about people. Nobody is jealous of a girl who has bad skin and box-blonde hair. I’m not convinced that every girl she’s ever encountered has left her side because she’s too pretty and gets all the attention from guys. The truth is, more often than not, nobody is every really jealous of their friends, not for more than a fleeting moment, anyway.
It’s ridiculous to me that girls use the jealousy card as a defense. I have always brushed the excuse off, but as of late I’ve actually examined the situations in which it’s applied. I think when it comes down to it, the only jealous person in any scenario is the person who tries to validate themselves by pretending others are jealous of them.