Weirdest Dad Ever Steals War-Torn African Land In Effort To Create Kingdom For His Daughter

Screen Shot 2014-07-15 at 10.20.04 AM

Ladies, I know a lot of you wanted to be princesses when you were growing up at some point or another. It’s a pretty tough thing to achieve, living in a time when monarchies are generally frowned upon–well, unless you’re British. They get a pass. Anyway, the candidate for the world’s best/worst/craziest (jury is still out) dad, Jeremiah Heaton–who sounds like a comic book villain–decided that there is no reason his princess shouldn’t legally rule over a small section of scorched earth composed of 600 miles of the Egyptian and Sudanese border. I have to give it to him, the guy has balls. That’s two countries with recent revolutions that sit somewhere between “hate” and “praying a meteor would crush them” when it comes to the western world.

Heaton isn’t just making wild claims, either. He already planted a flag in the region and is currently petitioning the African Union, as well as the Sudanese and Syrian governments, for recognition of the newly created “Kingdom of North Sudan.” If you all remember high school history, you know that white guys planting flags in Africa tends to go pretty poorly for everyone involved, so I can’t really see this going anywhere. Still, it’s cute that this dad decided he wanted to make his little girl a real princess.

When asked, his reasoning was, “I wanted to show my kids I will literally go to the ends of the earth to make their wishes and dreams come true.” That’s a good place to be as a parent, even if it means planting a flag in Bir Tawil, which is currently contested by both Egypt and Sudan.

My advice? Stay out of politically contested and unstable geopolitical hotzones. He should just claim a chunk of Mars and make her the first princess of another planet. Problem solved–unless there are Martians there to object.

[via Washington Post]

Email this to a friend


Primarily a TFM and PGP guy. I do science for a living, but being funny on the internet is my passion. Sometimes I write for TSM to help further cement the core arguments for why I'm not boyfriend material. Snapchat: Jqwhiskeyginger

For More Photos and Videos

Latest podcasts

New Stories

Load More