Walton Police Department Sends TFM Sassy Letter, Because They Do NOT Want Spring Breakers On Their Beaches

Walton Police Department Sends TFM Sassy Letter, Because They Do NOT Want Spring Breakers On Their Beaches

A few weeks ago, we learned the heartbreaking news that our favorite spring break destination, Panama City Beach, Florida, would no longer be a viable place to PARTY OUR FACES OFF, because of the new law banning alcohol on its beaches. A moment of silence. TFM wrote a nice little comprehensive article, outlining the seven acceptable spring destinations now that PCB is not an option. One such destination was Destin. Of Destin, our writer said the following:

Destin is PCB’s pledge sister with the sneakily large breasts that isn’t known for partying or being the hot girl, but you end up hooking up with her one night and don’t regret it, because it was actually pretty good. You consider doing it again but it just never happens. A nice thing about Destin is there is one location for everyone to meet at, Whale’s Tale, where as other beaches are so spread out it can be tough to find the right spot without some research. If you’ve been to PCB, you’ve likely walked 5 miles in a day between the Holiday Inn and a shitty country concert on the beach that you couldn’t even see, but the girl you were trying to bang really wanted to go and sing along to the one Luke Bryan song she knows.

Additionally, Destin (at least from my personal experience) was predominantly Greek, as opposed to a South Padre Island, where you party with half the cast of Jersey Shore. The lack of last names tattooed on backs is definitely a nice touch, and you’re not likely to get bronzer on you if you bump into someone. The cops roam the beach though and will card you if you’re holding a drink. I had a friend see one from a distance and just start running. In hindsight, the structural damage that he suffered to his face from eating shit was probably more than the $200 or so MIP he would have received. Just don’t get caught, or have better agility than my friend.

Upon hearing this news, the Walton County Sheriff’s Department was NOT happy, and they wanted to make sure TFM knew about it.

Sheriff photo

Do you see the sass on that guy? “Just so you know, you meant to tell them not to come to Walton County, not Destin. And in case you were wondering, we don’t want you anyway.” They’re like the less cute friend saying “actually, I have way better tits than Jessica. Ew, don’t look at me, you perv.” El. Oh. El.

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Veronica Ruckh

Veronica (@VeronicaRuckh) is the Director of Total Sorority Move for Grandex, Inc. After having spent her undergraduate years drinking $4 double LITs on a patio and drunk texting away potential suitors, she managed to graduate with an impressive GPA and an unimpressive engagement ring -- so unimpressive, in fact, some might say it's not there at all. Veronica has since been fulfilling her duties as "America's big," a title she gave to herself with the help of her giant ego. She has recently switched from vodka to wine on weekdays. Email her at

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