University Of Southern California Won’t Let You Sign Up For Classes Until You Tell Them How Many People You’ve Hooked Up With

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Ah, ye old sex course. It’s a debate as old as internet outrage. We saw it last year at Clemson, and then later at Florida Atlantic University. It all started when universities decided to have a required course based around Title IX (which is a federal law that prohibits discrimination on the basis of sex in any federally funded education program or activity). Which is a good idea, in theory. No assault is ever good, and knowledge is power, right? Sure. Except when the knowledge your administrators have is how many guys you got under in the three months you were getting over your ex.

Yeah, things have gotten a bit out of control.

So when the University of Southern California created an invasive course (similar to the alcohol course most of us have to take), folks were none to pleased. The worst part? You have to complete this course to sign up for classes. But really, how bad could it be? Take a peek.

From Campus Reform:

Campus Reform

There are more questions, and handy little how-to sections as well. They go into discussions of drinking, how to ask for consent (including the sexy line: “could I hold your hand?”), and a fun video which, according to the article, pretty much always blames the guy for the assault. Huh. Basically, the course sounds like it was developed by a jealous, paranoid boyfriend who can’t accept that you have a sexual history.

SO, while we could be outraged, we could also use this as a learning tool! I mean, when any guy asks our number, most of us get a little creative. Have we had oral recently? IDK. What counts as oral exactly? Do we get drunk and call our ex to come over and go down on us for 45 minutes? Maybe USC. Maybe. So while we could use this tool as a way to identify what “consent” really means, we could also use it as a way to practice our little, white, sexual lies. Because just like when “Alcohol EDU” asks how many drinks you have in a month, you have the liberty to get creative.

• What percentage of peers do you think has sex (including oral) at least once a month?
Honest answer: 100% if they’re lucky.
Boyfriend/USC answer: Definitely not your ex-girlfriend or my ex-boyfriend, and that’s all that matters.

• How many times have you had sex (including oral) in the last 3 months?
Honest answer: Well, oral doesn’t count. And neither does that time with my ex. Or with my FWB. Or all of the times with myself. So uh…
Boyfriend/USC answer: Before I met you? Never. I was half a virgin when I met you.

• With how many people have you had sex (including oral) in the last 3 months?

Honest answer: I honestly, honestly don’t know.
Boyfriend/USC answer: Like two. The one non-threatening guy I made up and told you about, and then you.

• If you had sex (including oral) in the last 3 months, how many times had you been drinking alcohol?
Honest answer: Every. single. time.
Boyfriend/USC answer: Like never. Okay maybe once. At most.

• If you had sex (including oral) in the last 3 months, how many times had you been using drugs recreationally?
Honest answer: Not counting weed, right?
Boyfriend/USC answer: What are drugs?

• If you had sex (including oral) in the last 3 months, how many times had you used a condom?
Honest answer: Hhahahahaa. Okay guys. Come on. You’re killin’ me here.
Boyfriend/USC answer: Every time. Wrap it before you tap it, always.

I’m not making fun of this because sexual assault is a laughing matter. College, and Greek life, are standing together to fight assault once and for all. I’m making fun of this because it’s so absurd, it’s funny. Why some balding fat guys at the school feel the need to know how many dudes some 19-year-olds blew in the past few months is beyond me (wait, no it’s not. It’s gross). BUT, I feel like the best thing you can do is laugh, and take this as an opportunity to grow. Because every experience is a learning experience.

And thanks to the University of Southern California, students are finally getting training in a valuable skill: how to lie about your sexual past. Because when he asks your number, he doesn’t actually want to know your number. Stay safe, get tested, and be the freak you were meant to be. Blow jobs or not.

[via Campus Reform]

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Rachel Varina

(yeahokaywhat) Aspiring to be the next Tina Fey, Rachel spends her free time doing nothing to reach that goal. While judging people based on how they use "they're" vs. "there" on social media, she likes eating buffalo chicken dip, watching other people's Netflix, and wearing sweatpants way more than is socially acceptable.

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