Columns

True Life: I Attended My First Fraternity Formal At The Age Of 25

True Life I Attended My First Fraternity Formal At The Age Of 25

When I was an active member of Greek life in college, I attended a whopping number of zero fraternity date parties. Whether this was due to my preference for unaffiliated hipster men or my reputation of getting sent home from events is a topic we will dive into at a later date. However, I did get the chance to attend one of these events almost two years after I graduated. I felt like Drew Barrymore in Never Been Kissed. I envisioned this as a chance to come back as a cooler version of myself and bestow upon the younger girls all the expertise and wisdom I had gained in my two years of adulthood. I was positively thrilled by my new role of “mentor.”

But you know what they say: Old habits die hard, and my blackout-or-back-out drinking style was no exception. I arrived at the fraternity house for the pregame and, in the midst of scouting the room for impressionable young women in need of my mentoring, I made eye contact with a dear, old friend. Hello vodka! Why yes, I would love a shot — or two. As the bus pulled up, I quickly downed a few more for the road. I needed to ensure I was sufficiently drunk for when I arrived at the bar, despite the fact I was well past the legal drinking age. I slid onto the familiar rough leather of the school bus seat and glanced around again. So far, all the children seemed to be behaving themselves. “Good for them,” I thought. I relaxed into the seat and smiled like a proud mother. I took another swig of the vodka and passed it around. I savored this driving time to reflect on how far I had come since graduation. “I’m really a mature woman now,” I thought to myself with a satisfied chuckle. “If undergrad me could see me now…”

We arrived at the location, which was as lackluster as one would except a sports-themed date party to be, and I headed straight for the bar. A few shots later, I had my arm draped around a young man who I had deemed my “little brother” and began slurring to his date about the importance of cherishing your college days. Another shot down and I was sneaking up behind people, stealing chicken fingers off of their plates. Another shot down and I found myself throwing up on the curb outside of the bar while my friends tried to convince the cab driver to let me in the car. As I slumped down, face down in a plastic bag, I reflected again. Seriously, “If undergrad me could see me now…she’d be ashamed.”

Once I had recovered from my three-day hangover, I learned that not only was I the only person who had to leave, but I was also the oldest person in attendance that night…by, like, two years. So let this be a lesson to you all: Attend formals while you’re in college, not after you’ve graduated. No one recovers from that level of embarrassment — and I would know.

Email this to a friend

1 Comments You must log in to comment, or create an account
Show Comments

For More Photos and Videos

Latest podcasts

Download Our App

Take TSM with you. Get

New Stories

Load More