The Top House
In Bacon’s rendition of the Top Tier, he referred to them as “The Top House,” which is true. They are. Sure, they are good at sports, philanthropy, obviously rush, and all that other good stuff, but the thing above all that really makes them number one, is that girls like them, and the reason girls like them is because they are hot. Like really hot. Like 6’4” tan skin, flowing mane, chiseled jaw, bright blue eyes, bulging muscles, GQ model, female equivalent of pre-e hot. The thing that gets me a little concerned is that they are ALL like that. Not that anyone wants some Quasimoto shit going on in their house, but it’s really just not normal for guys to care to be surrounded by other pretty boys all the time. I imagine their membership selection process to go a little something like this:
Rush Chair: “Ok, so what did we think of this guy.”
Brother 1: “I talked to him, he seemed pretty cool. Funny kid. He played basketball and volleyball in high school.”
Brother 2: “Well, ummm, I didn’t talk to him, but hello, LOOK at him. That kid is like 150 pounds and could use some serious highlights.”
Brother 3: “And seriously VOLLEYBALL?! Talk about the lankiest most awkward sport EV! A volleyball player isn’t going to help us beat ** in the intramural football game.”
Brother 1: “I mean, he was an all-state athlete, I’m sure he’s coordinated. And yeah, we’d have to assign him some gym hours for sure. But he was really cool. Plus, he’s young, he’ll grow into himself. I really think he cou…”
Brother 2: “No way. I’m sorry, but I’ve been a part of this
soror fraternity for four years, and no one ever had to tell me I needed to look in the mirror before I left the house in the morning. I’m sorry sweetie, I know he’s your rush crush, but I just don’t think he’s good for our image.”
Brother 1: “But he’s a really good guy!”
PR: “I know honey, there are lots of good guys out there. But that doesn’t make him *** material. I think we’re gonna have to let this one go.”
Rush Chair: “Alright, I think our decision is made here…Next.”
Regardless of their overly-feminine and flustering pre-occupation with their own physical appearance, under no circumstance would anyone turn down the chance to hook up with one of these guys. They’re gorgeous, and one of the few times we can look at boys as a conquest. If you’re going to have a one-night stand, it’s going to be with him, and this is the only time EVER that such behavior is something to be proud of rather than embarrassed by. However, a relationship with ANY of these guys is most likely going to end in disaster. Not only do they know how hot they are and the fact that they could have anyone, which, in my experience, means they DO have everyone (see: cheating bastard) but they are overly sensitive and girly. Really hot guys always seem to be weirdly emotional, and for the life of me, I’ll never understand why. Regardless, I deal with enough estrogen back at the Srat Castle to sit here telling you you’re pretty, but God damn, are you nice to look at.
The girls who are typically found leaching around their house are over-zealous underclassmen hotties…aka the girl you were freshman year, and the girl you are adamantly trying to avoid as an upperclassmen. Their parties are a good time always, in fact they are the epitome of frat, with their huge house, awesome music, sick dance floor, and of course their top-tier reputation. This is everything the younger girls are looking for to have that “Oh em gee, college is just SOOO awesome” feeling, but as you get older, being another anonymous hot girl in a dirty, over-crowded basement, sipping on rape juice loses its appeal. You can’t help but feel like you’re looking down on the slopfest froshies who are soooooo drunk, and annoyingly flirty with your freshman floormate Jason, who’s not even that cool…except when you’re hooking up with him. However, these events do serve as a good medium for dirty rushing as all the prettiest freshmen girls are always there. You masterfully pull off a condescending “honey, you’re so drunk” while simultaneously making her think you’re the nicest girl in the world. Casually ask if she’s coming out for recruitment…mention it was the best decision of your life, she’ll beg to find out your affiliation, you tell her…close with a quick “all the sororities were great” and you’ll forever remain in her mind as the most perfect sorority girl there ever was. Because you are.
As for the guys, they’re all pretty cool. Probably my personal favorite fraternity if I had to pick. They’re your best guy friends, which is really the only reason you keep showing up to their parties at all…well, that and the fact that they are big events so you have to make an appearance, even if you do spend most of your time upstairs doing shots in the kitchen, putting one thing or another up your nose in a brother’s bedroom (if you’re into that), and heading out early to the bars and returning (or first showing up) once the bars have closed for the post-game when all of the try-hard little girls have cleared out, found their ways to someone’s bedroom, or passed out with their heads in the toilet. You probably have an on-again off-again long-term hook-up situation going on with one of them. Their formal was one of the most slash least memorable weekends of your college career, though he made a terrible date to your formal that year (turns out neither Standards nor the owner of the venue thought it was funny to throw the furniture off the side of the boat your function was on). This was when you realized he’s a good friend, awesome to party with, but nothing more. Your father would think he was a douchebag (because he is one), and he can’t be tamed, but that’s just fine. As long as there continues to be a ticket with your name on it to all their most epic blow-outs, who cares.
For the most part, these are the guys who girls love. They are the well-rounded, All-American, Mr. Somebodys, and we can’t help trying on their last names once we’ve fallen in love (aka immediately after having met them) and they don’t even seem to mind. They are smart, handsome, athletic, UNBEARABLY charming, and not to mention, they’re in a good fraternity…the quintessence of “boyfriend material.” They’ll make your Daddy proud, and be happy to do so. They just seem too good to be true.
Personally, I don’t buy into all of that. All other fraternities hate them, and it seems to go beyond typical “us vs. them” rivalries. They’ll tell you it’s because they don’t haze (which I also see as a red flag) but I think when it comes down to it, these guys are assholes worse than the rest. There are a few extraordinary men setting the example, who could really be defined as “a catch” but the rest use their good boy reputation to their advantage, charm the shit out of you, do something douchey, and turn it around like you’re the bad guy when they do. All of the other fraternities know they are assholes, but these guys really believe they can do no wrong. I think I hate them the most. Except for my boyfriend. Because he’s perfect.
The Over-Rated House
The reason the over-rated chapter, fraternity or a sorority, is so DAMN awful, is that members of the opposite sex seem to be completely ignorant of the fact that they actually have nothing going for them. I can’t help but have an overwhelming sense of WHAT-THE-FUCK when boys still like the over-rated sorority, and I find myself constantly wanting to sit every guy I’ve ever met down, individually, and explain to them their skewed sense of reality by pointing out that those girls are mostly fat cows with suck-ass personalities. However, despite my knowledge of this phenomenon, I (and most other girls) still look at the over-rated fraternity and regard them with esteem. They’re not that good-looking, they’re not that cool, and they’re not that selective (when it comes to the initiated brothers, or the girls that come to their parties). Still, they are typically pretty rich, which I imagine has a lot to do with their reputation remaining in tact, and this combined with said reputation, is enough to make us overlook the fact that they bring little to the table and continue to view them as desirable and acceptable boyfriends. Middle Tier sororities will use mixers with the over-rated house as an attempt to climb the social ladder in Greek World, and the over-rated house will willingly partake, as this is the only time they are guaranteed to cop some dome because they are actually batting in their own league. Top tier sororities still won’t like these other girls coming onto their turf, so naturally “they’re desperate sluts and the boys all said they were super uggo and they didn’t even have fun with them” rumors will ensue. Such is life.