Realizing that your boyfriend has cheated on you sucks. Like, really sucks. The worst part about the whole ordeal is the moment you discover exactly how unfaithful he was. Whether you see a message on his phone, hear it from a friend, or actually walk in on something, it’s just a really shitty feeling. People have different ways of dealing with it. Some get angry, some get even, and apparently, some fail to realize it at all, even when there is actual photographic evidence.
A 23-year-old woman posted an extensive story on Ask Metafilter, seeking help from strangers on her boyfriend’s potential infidelity. The woman reported that she suspected her long distance boyfriend of, not just cheating on her, but actually getting married. She posted the following after seeing pictures of her boyfriend’s wedding on Facebook:
This is such a silly question, but I would appreciate AskMe’s perspective. My boyfriend and I are long distance, and yesterday I stumbled on “wedding” photos of him and his ex that were taken two weeks ago. He told me that it was from a video that his university is making for new students to show how glamorous graduate school life can be (he’s a professor and an alum). Am I being irrational in doubting him?
Oh. My. God. Is this real life? In what world would a man participate in a “university video” that just happened to include all of his friends and family? The post continued as she tried to explain the situation further.
As context, I’m a 23-year-old woman and he’s a 29-year-old man, and we’ve been dating for the past year and a half after knowing each other for three years. We met during his graduate studies at my university, which was abroad for him.
The photos were from two weeks ago and posted by a student of his on Facebook. I was utterly shocked when I saw the photos. They look so real; he and his ex are both in gorgeous wedding attire and there’s a crowd in the background and I just don’t know what to think. There was even a framed family picture of them in one of the photos! I am actually wondering whether he just got married and I’ve been taken for a ride, which is CRAZY. I feel crazy. We’ve been long distance since last fall, and because of the distance, I’ve only been able to visit him twice in that time since we’re in different countries. I’m not the most secure person in the world, but I feel like even for a normal, no-anxiety sort of person this would be an uncomfortable surprise. I would try to check whether there actually is a school video but unfortunately I don’t speak the language of his country.
If I think about all the time we spend IMing and calling and skyping, he couldn’t possibly also be married, right? He is obsessed with his career—how could he have the time to juggle two relationships? I flip between feeling like I’m just being ridiculous and feeling convinced that I’m the affair. I don’t want to bring it up with him because if I do, I would probably just fall off a cliff of crazy and alienate him. What would you do in this situation? I feel like I’m overreacting, but how do I tame my irrational fears?
Homegirl. You don’t need to speak the language. Your man just got married, and to a woman who isn’t you. I don’t understand why, after seeing an album’s worth of wedding photos, your first thought was, “This is strange, I better ask him what’s up,” and not, “WHAT A FUCKING ASSHOLE, I CANNOT BELIEVE HE PLAYED ME.” Because that’s what he did. He played you, and none of this is your fault, but the fact that you’re maintaining this cool-girlfriend mindset instead of unleashing hell all over his ass is ridiculous.
Those on the site had pretty much the exact same thoughts as I did on the issue. They were basically like, “Yeah, your boyfriend just got hitched,” because this is the internet and there’s no sugar coating anything. I think she came to the site hoping someone would support her hopes that maybe he’s just a very theatrical foreigner, but no one was entertaining that thought. I imagine she was just sitting at home, binging on Ben & Jerry’s and reading the replies like,
She gave us one final update after talking to the groom.
When I confronted him today, he admitted that he’s engaged. I can’t comprehend it. Obviously we can’t date anymore, and I shouldn’t talk to him anymore. But I don’t know how to start feeling like a whole person again. I’m angry and heartbroken, and I don’t know what to do when part of me is so betrayed and the other part still loves him. Crazily enough, that part of me that cares about him is even a little glad that he found someone he really loves. But I don’t know what my tomorrow morning will be like without a good morning text from him, without hearing his voice. Everything is so surreal. He asked me for another Skype tomorrow, and I think it really, really needs to be the last time we talk for a long time. Because I still want too much to believe him when he tells me he loves me. But really, really thank you. Without everyone, I would have just ignored the photos otherwise, told myself that I’m overreacting, that everything is ok. Thank you.
Wait. Back up. “He asked me for another Skype tomorrow, and I think it really, really needs to be the last time we talk for a long time.” What the fuck? HE’S MARRIED. STOP TALKING TO HIM. FOREVER. You are digging your own grave, and friendly internet strangers will not be able to virtually lift you out.
This woman is crazy, perhaps even crazier than her boyfriend, who thought it would be totally acceptable to marry one girl while dating another. It’s such a shame that he thought he would be able to talk his way out of this one. It’s even worse that he was right. .
Image via Shutterstock