Urns are out, dildos are in. Dutch designer Mark Sturkenboom created a much more intimate way to remember your lost loved one: by using his/her ashes to masturbate. Nothing says “rest in peace” like sticking a loved one’s ashes into a dildo you hide in a nightstand, right next to your Night-guard and extra remotes.
Sturkenboom’s latest and greatest invention not only includes a fill-your-own dildo, but a whole box of treasures to remember your loved one while simultaneously getting yourself aroused. It contains an acoustic amplifier that could be used to play “your song,” the scent of the deceased’s perfume or cologne, and a place to hold his/her ring. It’s all housed in a white box that you can lock for safekeeping of your sex toys. The key comes on a simple gold chain you can wear as jewelry. There is no greater fashion statement than the necklace that opens the box which contains your dead lover’s ashes in a dildo you use to pleasure yourself.
I joke, but the loss of a loved one is nothing to laugh about. It’s heartbreaking and incredibly sad, but definitely not sexually arousing. The last thing a person who just lost the love of their life is thinking about is getting off to their now painful memory. Sturkenboom sees things differently.
“By bringing different nostalgic moments together like the scent of his perfume, ‘their’ music and reviving the moment he gave her her first ring, it opens a window to go back to moments of love and intimacy. She is able to have an intimate night with her sweetheart again,” Sturkenboom said.
If by “intimate” you mean “cry while masturbating,” sure, that’s about as intimate as it gets.
There are so many unanswered questions. Does it vibrate and send the ashes shaking like sand down the shaft of the dildo as I use it? Is there an option for a Rabbit-type design, or maybe a mini-bullet? And finally, do I get my money back if the dildo breaks and the ashes of my loved one spill inside me?
People do crazy things for the ones they love, but using their ashes to masturbate definitely tops the crazy scale..
Image via Mark Sturkenboom