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This Really Gross Scientific Study Found That If You Aren’t Getting Laid, It’s Probably Your Older Sibling’s Fault

This Really Gross Scientific Study Found That If You Aren't Getting Laid, It's Probably Your Older Sibling's Fault

If you don’t have siblings, I simultaneously envy you and feel bad for you. On one hand, I’m an attention whore and I would love it if my parents showered me and only me with love and affection, and on the other hand, my older sister is my best friend and basically life partner. I guess if I can’t be an only child, being genetically matched with my best friend will do.

My sister and I are weirdly close. Close enough that I know every article of clothing in her closet and that she has a very small mole between her big toe and first toe on her left foot. Being the oldest, she’s always been there to give me advice on guys, style, and which window makes the least squeaky sound perfect for sneaking out of. All valuable information.

According to this scientific study, older siblings actually influence a lot more than your wardrobe. They actually have an effect on how often you’re getting laid. This study found that younger siblings with sexually conservative older siblings follow similar patterns in their own sex lives.

Similarly, younger siblings with sexually promiscuous older siblings tended to be more uninhibited themselves. If your big sister (or brother) is getting some, science says you’ll get some, too.

It makes sense, because younger siblings tend to follow in their older siblings’ footsteps. My big sister started gymnastics, so I told my mom I wanted to do gymnastics. According to this study, when my sister is going through a dry spell, so am I. Great. We share everything else, might as well add levels of sexual activity to the list.

Some siblings aren’t as close as others, and in that case the younger sibling is unlikely to be influenced by the older sibling’s sexual activity. The study stipulates that this relationship between siblings and sexual activity only exists when the younger sibling is aware of and has some understanding of the older sibling’s sex life.

If I somehow managed to get my shit together enough to pursue a degree in science instead of this bullshit degree in communications, I would extend this study to evaluate the relationship of sexual activity between big and little. I’m willing to bet it has an even stronger relationship, since most of my sexual encounters begin with my big drunkenly grabbing me and shoving me into a hot guy while slurring, “Haaaaaave you met my little?” TSM.

[via The Brown Daily Herald]

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Cristina Montemayor

Cristina is a Grandex Writer and Content Manager. She was an intern for over two years before she graduated a semester early to write about college full time, which makes absolutely no sense. She regretfully considers herself a Carrie, but is first and foremost a Rory. She tends to draw strong reactions from people. They are occasionally positive. You can find her in a bar as you're bending down to tie your shoes, drinking Dos XX and drunk crying to Elton John. Email her: cristina@grandex.co (not .com).

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