Once upon a time, I was cheated on. Okay, more than once but that’s beside the point. He was the “love of my life” (lol) and I was naive as hell. Anyways, after a year of thinking ~this was it~ the truth started falling into place. He kissed his ex. He hooked up with his ex. And other girls were coming forward saying he slept with them as well.
For awhile, I chose not to believe it. “Where’s the proof?” I would cry as he kept telling me that they were lying.
Eventually, after a final lie snapped some sense into me, I realized I was being blind. We broke up and I never looked back (okay maybe I looked back once or twice after a few too many vodka sodas, but still). While I was eventually glad that I got out of that garbage can of a situation, I couldn’t help but be pissed. I wasted so much time on him when he was being unfaithful to me. If only I had had a way of knowing, once and for all, that he was cheating.
Well, finally, there is. For all of the untrustful bitches dating cheating dogs, there’s a bed that can actually tell if you’re being cheated on. Enter: The Smattress. A “smart mattress” that can detect if someone is having sex in your bed. You know, when you’re not in it.
Better than reading his text messages or snooping in his Snapchats, this mattress uses motion-sensor technology to tell if there’s movement in your bed. The deets will be viewable on an app (yes, you’ll have an app for your bed. Feel psycho yet?) so you can have handy graphics and even frequencies of every. single. thrust. Because knowing he’s cheating isn’t bad enough, knowing his thrusts per minute should do the trick!
While the mattress has sensors in its springs and is a pretty much foolproof way of catching him in the act, there’s one hitch: you have to somehow get this mattress in his apartment without him realizing. But hey, if you do that, then you can find out if he’s cheating once and for all and feel like your life is over.
Yay for technology, amiright?.
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