This Machine Quite Literally Turns Water Into Wine

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You know those moments during recruitment where you’re just like, “If I have to sip one more decorated cup of water…” and you wish you could turn it into something else? Something more like wine and less like water? Your sisters crushed your dreams by reminding you that turning water into wine was impossible, unless, of course, your name changed from Jessica to Jesus. And you were cool with it, because buzzed recruiting is bad recruiting, as some of us have found out the hard way. Luckily for my recruitment chair, this amazing new invention called The Miracle Machine didn’t exist back in my recruitment days, because it does exactly what I’ve always dreamed of. This machine turns water into wine using technology.

Kevin Boyer and Philip James came up with the idea for The Miracle Machine while having a moment during one of their drunken nights of bonding and brainstorming. I wish I could say my girlfriends and I have the same sort of innovative ideas when we’re wine-ding down with a movie, but once Matthew McConaughey comes on the screen, all logical thinking ends.

The Miracle Machine is still in its early stages, but that doesn’t mean we’re not completely out of our minds excited for its development. At the moment, it’s still in the funding stages, but people plan for it to be a popular item in every wino’s kitchen very soon.

With the purchase of The Miracle Machine, which is going for $499.00 (thanks, Dad!), people will be able to make their own wine at home using an iPhone app or a Bluetooth connection. That may seem like a steep price, but if you count all of those corks you used to “decorate” your coffee table, you will see that you’re actually saving money. It comes down to costing no more than several dollars a bottle. This is pretty good if you drink as much wine as I do. Here’s how the best thing to have ever happened to this sorority girl since spill-proof wine tumblers works.

  1. Pick a recipe from the app.
  2. Directly purchase the yeast, grape concentrate, and finishing powder ingredients from The Miracle Machine website.
  3. Add water, yeast, and grape concentrates and turn on the machine.
  4. Let the fermentation chamber do its thing.
  5. Get updates on your phone about the progress of your wine.
  6. Add the sachet of finishing powder to impart oak and other flavors that will allow your wine to taste as if it has aged for several months to a year.
  7. Wait for the smart phone alert in about three days–then your wine will be done and ready to drink.

[via Huffington Post]

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Wine2TheRescue is a legal marketing pro & blogger out of Washington, D.C. but is originally a sorority girl out of Northwest Florida. As a recent graduate and expert twenty-something, she spends most of her time trying to balance her work schedule with her daily required wine intake. It's a struggle she's learning to manage, but nothing she can't lean on her sisters for help with. She is also a contributing writer for Total Sorority Move and Post Grad Problems.

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