I’m fully convinced that every guy’s locker room is comprised of one part actually showering, with the other three quarters being devoted strictly to dicks. Helicoptering, (not-so-secretly) comparing size and girth, I’m sure it takes up a lot of a guy’s day to day. Think about how many guys have ever asked you, “Am I the biggest you’ve been with?” They obviously care.
Well 52-year-old (I know, sorry about the old man wang) Roberto Esquivel Cabrera does not have that problem. Cabrera is allegedly the proud, proud owner of a 19-inch penis. Weighing in at two pounds – seriously I think my Chipotle burrito yesterday weighed less – a video of his most prized possession surfaced on TMZ this week. It was unfortunately accompanied by all of the fun party tricks having over a foot of genitalia allows you to master. Licking the tip, head bumping your own…well…head. It’s no wonder Vivid Entertainment (porn. It’s porn) is supposedly in talks with Cabrera for a deal.
But apparently being the world’s biggest dick isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. According to Cabrera his size has ruined many relationships, including his one with the good Lord. That’s right, his impressive (and come on, SCARY) size gets in the way of his ability to kneel in church. Irony? I think yes.
If this is real, Cabrera has annihilated the past original record set by Jonah Falcon in 2006 at 13.5 inches. But something tells me Jonah isn’t super worried about it given his deal to donate his dick upon his death to the Penis Museum, because that’s a thing.
Here’s the video, which despite an attempt at modesty with what looks like a cut up nylon and an ace bandage, is pretty NSFW.
I don’t know…personally more than a ruler seems like too much. Maybe I’m more of a prude than I thought..
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