Here at Total Sorority Move, we love to cover wedding proposals. Maybe it’s because we’ve been planning and pinning our weddings since our ovaries developed, or maybe it’s because none of us are married (I know, we’re shocked, too) so we have to live vicariously through strangers we find on the Internet. Either way, we have made finding the best (and worst) proposals one of our main missions in life–in addition to actually receiving a proposal ourselves. While we’re still waiting on that ring (#foreveralone) one lucky lady recently received a fantastically cringeworthy proposal that will make your vagina tingly in “I’m so glad that’s not me” delight.
Enter WheezyWaiter, whose legal and less exciting name is Craig Benzine.
Craig is an interesting guy. He creates weird-ass YouTube videos, which I guess a lot of people watch, because he has, like, 530,000 subscribers, which is about 529,000 more subscribers than I have (my mom is my biggest fan).
Anyway, our boy Craig recently created his one thousandth video, and in the most vain way possible, he decided to propose to his girlfriend in it. But he didn’t take his girlfriend somewhere romantic or create a fucking musical while they were on a hot air balloon ride over France or something like that and film it. No, instead he decided to use the first letter (including the question mark) of his last 20 videos to spell out:
Chyna Will You Marry Me?
And then he told his girlfriend (whose name is pronounced “China,” like the Asian country) to come into the room as he acted like he “found a secret pattern” in the titles of HIS videos. The ones that he filmed, edited, and took the time to name. Baffling, right? He asks her to cruise his YouTube channel and read aloud what it spells. As she’s doing it, most likely praying he won’t make her watch another one of his, uh, creative videos, in which he reads his emails out loud and pretends there’s an opossum in the room, he grabs a box out of the closet and gets on his knee–way too early. Like, awkwardly early.
Once she realizes what it says, she starts crying, because hormones. But that’s it. No speech (even though he claimed there was one). No fake movie filled with friends and family. No puppy with a ring tied around its adorable neck. Nothing.
But don’t worry. At the end, during the romantic embrace after she says yes–you know, the moment you remember for the rest of your life–he turns his camera to face himself, and with a thumbs up, he says, “She said yes, guys.”
And they say romance is dead.
Craig has learned the secret to a woman’s heart: a self-centered marriage proposal about views and likes instead of love. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all about those double taps on Instagram, but at the very least, have a musical number. I mean, come on, guys.