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This Crazy Woman Pretended To Be Deaf For 9 Months Just To Get A Boyfriend

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Being single can suck. It’s hard. It’s lonely. It’s…basically everything that’s bad. You cry a lot and you drink even more, and you get into this horrible rut of thinking that anything without a drawstring constitutes “dressing up.” Lean Cuisines and Diet Cokes become staples in your food pyramid, your hair is in a perpetual state of Crisco-level greasiness, and your legs are so hairy that you actually tried to braid them one Saturday afternoon after too many glasses of chardonnay and season three of “The O.C.” Yeah, being single is depressing, and that’s why–when in that situation–you do anything to change it. Anything.

Including, apparently, pretending to be deaf. I’ll just let that sink in for a minute, because this is not a drill. This is real life.

A waitress from Alaska named Tina met a guy at a bar, and she did what happens to all of us after one too many drinks: she got tongue-tied. Don’t lie, you know what I’m talking about. You’re just so excited to speak that when you open your mouth to introduce yourself, all that comes out is some weird, high-pitched combination of “dsfjhsakfhsewftw.” Yeah, that’s what happened to Tina. But instead of just laughing it off and moving on, Tina paused for a moment, thought about her options, and signed, “I’m deaf.” Even crazier? The guy bought it.

For the next nine months of their courtship, Tina pretended to be–you guessed it–unable to hear, which is really hard to do. Someone calls your name? Can’t turn around. A car honks at you while you’re jaywalking? Can’t jump. A rabid dog barks at you? Can’t scream. But in bed? Oh, in bed, Tina could be as loud as she wanted. I guess that’s one perk of being deaf.

Watch the video below to learn more about Tina, and then tune in to Oxygen’s “My Crazy Love” on Tuesdays at 10 p.m. EST/PST for even more stories just like Tina’s. Bitches be crazy, man. Bitches be crazy.

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Catie Warren

From Rush To Rehab (@catie__warren) is a semi-fuctioning adult who has been celebrating her 21st birthday for the past three years. She attended college in the nation’s capital and to this day is angry that Pit Bull lied to her, as you cannot, in fact, party on The White House lawn. Prior to her success with TSM, Rehab was most famous for being featured in her hometown newspaper regarding her 5th grade Science Fair Project for which she did not place. In her spare time, she enjoys attributing famous historical quotes to Marilyn Monroe and getting in fights with thirteen year olds on twitter. Email: catie@grandex.co

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