Something crazy has happened. Or, well, hasn’t happened, for that matter. Even though you have a perfect relationship (hate you), your boyfriend is still just your boyfriend, which is weird because everyone keeps asking when you two are going to get married. Everyone except him. Your mom has already picked out her mother of the bride dress, your best friends are fighting over the Maid of Honor title, and you have your chosen venue bookmarked on your phone, laptop and iPad. Yet here it is, April, and the ring finger of your left hand is as naked as it ever was. But don’t fret, my friends, because a new study may just hold the key to getting him down on one knee, ring in hand.
The study entitled “For Richer, For Poorer: How Family Structures Economic Success in America” proved that the way to a guy’s heart isn’t food or sex, but money. Brains Robert Lerman and W. Bradford Wilcox were the ones to test the “money can’t buy you love” theory, but according to The Washington Post, money can totally buy you love.
On average, young married men, aged 28-30, make $15,900 more than their single peers, and married men aged 44-46 make $18,800 more than their single peers, even after controlling for differences in education, race, ethnicity, regional unemployment, and scores on a test of general knowledge.
Of course, the wedding you have been planning since you were six will cost about five years’ worth of that increase in earnings, but he won’t figure that out until the ring is safely on your finger.
The study chalked these higher earnings for married men up to four causes:
1. After marrying, men assume a new identity.
My future husband’s new identity will be “Man who supports my gigantic shopping habit.”
2. Married men are motivated to maximize their income.
You’re damn right they are. I have expensive taste and someone needs to pay for those handbags and shoes.
3. Married men benefit from the advice and encouragement of their wives.
What the study calls “advice and encouragement,” he may call nagging. Either way, it works. Science says so.
4. Employers like married men with children.
Eh, I don’t know how I feel about that baby thing, but we can figure that out after I get him down the aisle.
So, hop to it, ladies. You’ve still got over two months until the end of spring, so perhaps your “ring by spring” dreams aren’t quite dead yet..