If you’re single — really single — like haven’t had a boyfriend in years, and have no potentials on the horizon, and haven’t for some time…like me…you occasionally have that nagging, flickering thought that this might be your forever. The #ForeverAlone tweets might not be some attempt at humor and self-deprecation — it could be your reality. On some level, you think — no, you know you’re being ridiculous. Of course, you’ll find someone some day, that day just isn’t today, and it wasn’t yesterday, and it probably won’t be tomorrow. But what if… what if you don’t?
The following essay was written by Joi Weaver on a women’s website called Establishment and details the life of a 33-year-old woman who has never even been kissed, and has largely accepted being single as “her reality.” And it’s heart-breaking.
Sometimes you have to face hard truths by stating the painful facts baldly. I am 33, I have never been kissed, and the only guy who ever wanted to hold hands with me was killing time while he tried to find someone hot enough to date. I know this because that’s what he told my housemate when he hit on her.
To the best of my knowledge, no one who has seen me in person has ever been attracted to me. I’m not catcalled or harassed. The only relationships I’ve had have been online. The only boyfriend who met me offline would not do more than give me a hug. I have met potential partners from the Internet, only to watch the interest in their eyes die when they see me.
I often feel like the only woman on the face of the planet who no one is attracted to. And I am ashamed — in part because this is something no one ever talks about.
There are sections that I think many “chronically single” women can relate to, though we’d feel guilty admitting it, as our situations are not the same as Weaver’s. But we know the struggle of feeling unwanted, and seeing no end to that. Like Joi, we’ve “been told that I simply didn’t notice guys who were interested, or that I just needed to “be myself” and admirers would miraculously appear.” Bullshit.
And of course, the ever-painful realization, that none of us really have control over our love lives. Because falling in love isn’t something you can accomplish on your own. And that makes everyone — even the happily in love — feel uncomfortable.
What if a lot of it comes down to luck? If there’s no real reason behind my lack of relationships, maybe it’s just a coincidence, an accident of chance. And that means they found their partners due to chance as well, and their lives might have been like mine if a few things had gone differently.
To read the powerful essay in its entirety, click here.
[h/t Huffington Post]