Ahh, Thanksgiving has arrived. And while there are a lot of things I am thankful for; my family, my health, my dog, there are some that I feel I take for granted. In attempts to shed some light on the more subtle things in life that we should be thankful for, I have composed a list. Maybe to help me be more thankful? Or maybe just because for once in my 23 years on earth, I’m thinking of things other than myself.
The Bouncer That Always Lets Me Skip The Bar Line
Jerome, what would I do without you? Chivalry, at it’s finest, my friends. There is no one gesture quite as romantic as having the bouncer at the bar let you skip the twenty minute line every time you show up at his place of employment. There are some down sides, the bitches at the end of the line attempting their best hissy fits, and when Jerome facebook messages you “hey” every other day despite the fact that you never answer. All small prices to pay when you don’t have to wait in the cold, and never pay a cover charge. I am thankful, because queens don’t wait in lines.
For multiple reasons, I am thankful for being single, although I may want to jump straight into the oven after I get asked “are you seeing anyone?” 600 times this holiday season. Being single has A LOT of perks. Like, never having to shave your legs. How great is it to never have to shave your legs? Never get razor burn? Never cut yourself shaving? Never having to buy a razor? Because those things are WAY overpriced. Return to your natural habitat. It’s just, so great. Another perk of being single? I don’t ever have to worry about someone cheating on me. I never cry myself to sleep because of relationship drama. I am so carefree, that I don’t even care if I die alone. I also don’t have to answer to anyone. I can do whatever the heck I want. I am thankful, because being single makes being selfish a little less selfish.
Dog Instagram Accounts
The only stable form of love ANY of us have ever received over a long period of time is through that of a dog. And when you feel stressed, alone, confused, just remember, there are whole Instagram pages dedicated to dogs. Puppies. Every kind of dog in the whole entire world. Huskies. Golden Retrievers. Bulldogs. You name it, Instagram’s got it. Isn’t it amazing how you can escape into social media abyss for hours on end when you are looking at other peoples dogs? I am thankful, because dogs = happiness.
How utterly thankful am I that we, as humans, require 7-8 (-12) hours of sleep every night? What better way to ignore the world turning around you than to just go to sleep? You know the saying, why fall in love when you can fall asleep!? Also, why go to work when you can fall asleep? Why do anything when you can just fall asleep??? Ignore all your problems. Escape reality. I am thankful, because sleep is necessary for survival, and it’s also my favorite thing to do.
Netflix was too broad. So what’s the one show who has shaped my existence? XOXO. Where would I be without Blair Waldorf? Where on earth would I be if I had never seen that it is socially acceptable to act like you are queen of the world, even if you are just a social climber. I know it’s fiction, but if you decide it’s not fiction, then it’s not. That’s how the world turns, ladies and gents. Also, there are no men in my life that look like the men on Gossip Girl. Every male character is a straight dime piece, and if I have to get off to a fiction character, so be it. I am thankful, because of Nate Archibald.
Retail therapy is a thing, but not wanting to walk around the mall is also a thing. So what’s the best way to spend the money you don’t have if not for online shopping? Trying things on, in the store, is brutal. You work up a sweat taking 100 things on and off. Or even worse, there is NOTHING you like in the store. Online shopping is essential to my happiness. I get to stay glued to the internet, per usual, and also not leave my bed, per per usual. The best of every world. I am thankful, because in this case, beauty doesn’t HAVE to be pain.
So happy Thanksgiving, folks. Be sure to take a minute to reassess the things you are truly grateful for. And someone, please tell Jerome to stop messaging me already..