I don’t want to say that recruitment is the fakest, most ridiculous process of scavenging sorority girls doing whatever it takes to get the best girls the class of 2015 has to offer, but I will say that we, umm…exaggerate the truth sometimes when we’re talking to PNMs. We tell them what they want to hear, and the following are some examples of the lies that are most commonly buzzing about Sorority World during this time.
“We Mix with EVERY fraternity.”
No, no we don’t. We ABSOLUTELY have a favorite fraternity. There are a few other groups of these dapper-ish men we think are fun, and occasionally we’ll throw a pity mixer if their social chair offered to foot the entire bill, but mostly, we don’t mingle with anyone but the top tier. Date functions hosted by our dearly beloveds might as well be mixers, we judge every girl outside our sisterhood who dares to attend their ticketed events, and we put almost as much effort into recruiting little freshman balls of joy for them as we do for ourselves. But our precious little PNMs won’t know that until bid day. Besides, this is sorority recruitment. We shouldn’t be talking about fraternities anyway.
“I’m ALWAYS at the house.”
You’re NEVER at the house. The house is for new girls. After your first year in a sorority, you realize that an additional 35 closets isn’t quite worth dealing with the 35 owners of said closets on a daily basis. I love my sisters and I’m thankful for them every day, but that’s the truth. You don’t have the time or desire to drag yourself all the way over there, so you can filter everything you say, since you never know who’s around, or who’s little is around, or what-the-fuck-ever. Plus, the house is “dry.” You want me to trek all the way across campus to get ready and then moderate my alcohol intake and pretend to be sober? No, thank you. Not to mention, there are far too many girls cycling together in one place to make it worth your while to spend your time there. So unless you’re crafting for some event, or getting yelled at for another, your Little is going to have to come to you.
“Nothing is mandatory.”
Define mandatory…If by mandatory you mean, not attending will result in the force-feeding of some vile substance until regurgitation, a ceremonial female circumcision, and eventual termination, then no, nothing is mandatory. Rather, we refer to everything as “highly suggested.” And if you’re a new girl, it is “highly suggested” you go to pretty much everything. I mean, if you choose not to go to study hours, that’s fine…we just might choose to not invite you to a mixer. If you choose to skip out on meetings, we might choose to find a reason to send your ass to standards upon initiation. If you choose to avoid social events, you should choose a different sorority…we don’t play that game.
“I love every sorority on campus.”
Bull. Fucking. Shit. You might have a few friends in a few other houses, but as a whole, at least a little part of you hates every sorority that isn’t yours. They took the powder puff title from you? Hate. Their house is next to yours and they make the formidable decision to blast any and every T-Swift song on repeat every Friday night (I don’t care if you like her…she’s fucking weird and you get my point)? Hate. One sister out of 130ish hooked up with a guy that you had a three-week long crush on 2 years ago? Hate. They’re ugly? Hate. This fabrication is a necessary precaution we all must take for the PNMs who are afraid to depart with their beloved freshman floormates, but the fact is you don’t really have panhellenic love…not in the way you say you do anyway. You might love individuals, your best friend/roommate might even be in a different sorority, but if you really “loved” any other chapter, you’d be in it. Yours is the best, everyone else sucks.
“I’ve heard SO much about you!”
Jenn…I mean Jess…I mean Joy. As the rounds of recruitment continue, you want to make the PNMs feel like they’re more than just a number. They aren’t…but you want to make them feel that way. The truth is, there are hundreds of them, there is no way to remember all of them, or to care about all of them. Until the later rounds, most girls aren’t discussed at all…but it’s nice to make them feel like they matter. After all, these are future sorority girls. They’re self-involved and the notion that gorgeous older girls are excited about them is a sure-fire way to ensure they’d be willing to sacrifice a limb to be a part of your sisterhood.
And the absolute biggest lie you will tell throughout all of recruitment…
“It’s a mutual selection process.”
HA! If only the poor girls knew…They have no say. Some sororities don’t even have a say. The only houses that do any real “selecting” are the good ones. As you get lower and lower on the totem poll, each house grabs the best girls remaining who didn’t make the cut in whatever house is ranked right above them. It’s a tough world, but that’s recruitment. And if you’re a PNM, the only choice you have is whether or not to sign your bid. You don’t pick us, we pick you.