The Three Types of College Boyfriends

Monogamy can be a tricky little beast during college but that doesn’t keep us from complicating our sexual escapades with…feelings, and stuff. Over the past four years, I’ve noticed that the gentlemen my fellow sorority women and I have chosen as our beaus have generally fallen into one of three categories…

The Life of the Party

Before you started dating, you know who he is. He’s president, social and philanthropy chair of your schools top fraternity, never misses a night out, is always impeccably dressed, and is George-Clooney-20 years ago handsome. In short, he’s your campus’ most eligible bachelor. One night at the bar you locked eyes and you were instantly his. He shows you off every chance he gets, brings you around his friends and loves having you by his side at date parties, formals, and all the campus dives. He showers you with expensive dates, flowers, brings you home to meet Momma, and totally sweeps you off your feet. You know you’re the envy of hundreds of girls and he totally makes you feel like a princess…while it lasts. Which it won’t. This is the type of guy that’s a serial dater, who loves courting plenty of girls but not actually committing to any for the long haul. He has a huge ego, requires constant attention, and comes into your life like a tornado. You get deeply and completely swept up in the whole thing, but it’s over before you know it. Next semester he’ll have a different beauty on his arm.

The Perfect Gentleman

Every girl should date at least one. He’s the guy who teaches you exactly how you’re SUPPOSED to be treated. He does everything exactly right, and you never had to have the “exclusivity” talk, because he was smitten from day one. You’re probably a little bit better looking than he is, or of slightly higher social status, which makes him work hard to hold onto you. He’s similar to the life of the party in his courtship, but without all the bells and whistles. There’s something truly sweet and genuine behind his actions. A few months with this guy and even the skeptics finally understand the whole “relationship” thing. It’s a real kind of love that turns you into “that girl” who responds to texts on the weekends with “No thanks, _____ and I are gonna stay in to watch Netflix and cook dinner. Have fun though!” People might start to hate you but you’re just so damn happy that you couldn’t care less. You probably remain good friends after the breakup and to this day he’s the standard that you compare every new guy too. Years down the road, you’ll still think of him fondly.

The Toxic One

It begins with an irresistible sexual attraction, ends badly, and has no less than a dozen of these beginnings and endings before it finally runs its course. He’s the type who can turn a pretty girl with a good head on her shoulders into a weeping mess in the fetal position on the floor of her walk-in closet. When you first start hanging out, dating, or sleeping together, you’re blind to his manipulative ways and by the time they become clear, it’s too late. He tells you he loves you and wants to marry you, and you believe him because when things are good you have so much fun together. It feels perfect…but he doesn’t think twice about cheating. When you confront him he denies, and when you catch him in his lies his apologies and promises are irresistible. His touch gives you the chills and, although you know better, you are completely, uncontrollably, head-over-heels in love with him. The next time, it’s the same story…but he HAS to be telling the truth this time and you know he’s going to change…he’s not. He’s so good at convincing you that you’re the one but he’s even better at lying. It’s a vicious cycle and no matter how unhealthy it might be you keep coming back for more. This non-relationship even takes an emotional toll on your roommates and sisters who are sick of seeing you upset and exhausted from giving you the same advice over and over again. When you finally tell this dude to leave you alone he comes on even stronger because he wants what he can’t have. Even if you manage to make a clean break and not talk for a few months, at some point you WILL drunkenly end up together again, probably at regular intervals until graduation, which is the only thing that can totally shake this guy. If you find yourself in this situation, GET OUT as fast as you can! Don’t hang around to find out what else he has in store…it won’t be different. Take my word for it.

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