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The Only Thing Worse Than Getting Called To Standards Is Being Standards

The Only Thing Worse Than Getting Called To Standards Is Being Standards

She identifies herself as the dreaded woman whose sole purpose in life is to “uphold our reputation.” She can smell your trashy bar behavior from miles away. She managed to figure out that you still owe $3.23 in dues from freshman year, and she made you pay it. She’s the standards chairwoman and she’s here to make your life hell.

The most obvious way to avoid her wrath is to follow the rules. It seems simple enough, but somehow this devil-girl manages to hunt you down for every aggressive text, every solo cup in the background of an Insta-pic, and all two times you came to chapter 35 and a half seconds late. She’s got her eye on everyone, but has the power to make you feel like her eyes (all 302 pairs of them) are always on you. What many sisters don’t realize is that this sister is human too. She’s not out to get anyone specific (well, except for that one girl…kidding). She really is focused on helping the sorority maintain its dignity, its good standing with Nationals, and its reputation on campus. Yes, she’s strict, intimidating, and annoyingly classy after nine shots. Sometimes it feels like nothing worse could happen in your life than getting an email from the standards chair, but life COULD be worse. After all, you could be her.

Her struggles range in size, level of dramatics, and unhealthy heart rates. From never being able to escape the “ding” on her phone from the constant emails, to ruined outfits thanks to the junior who “accidentally” spilled wine all over her the night after her senior status was denied, the standard chair’s job pretty much sucks. She is chained to her bed reading email after email, because Ashley’s bitching about Kate leaving the house with wet hair, and Jackie is mad that she had to be a sober sister after she threw up at Crush Party when Emily only had to pay a fine. The fact of the matter is she doesn’t really give a fuck, but you NEVER leave her alone.

Not a day goes by that she doesn’t receive screenshots of nasty email exchanges, anonymous “tips” about drunken behavior, or a bullshit excuse for not coming to recruitment. The worst part is that none of her sisters even look her in the eye anymore; they just stare at the devil horns on her head. No one cares about the mental breakdown phone calls to your advisor or what it’s like having to find a hundred different “professional” ways of telling sisters that they are just plain stupid. She’s all alone in this. Even her board blocked her on social media.

So why do we do it? Do we get some masochistic thrill out of putting our phones on airplane mode and popping a Xanny. Why — when we feel like throwing the standards filing cabinet off the roof, or when we silently devise ways to pull off some kind of heist so vicious that we’ll never hear about Becky making out with Christina’s ex-boyfriend from three years ago ever again — do we keep going? Why do we continue to force everyone to come to chapter concealing their water bottle filled with Smirnoff and crushed up Valium, when in reality, we too are concealing the same thing? Is it really for the good of the chapter or are we simply the power hungry boss bitches you think we are? Well, I guess you’ll never know.

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meggilyweggily

MeggilyWeggily is a dancer who speaks 3 languages: English, Chipotle, and sarcasm. She loves unicorns and working overtime to pay for last week's "new letters" binge. Which happens every week.

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