Go out the night before your trip back home.
Throw up the entire car ride while your mom asks you if it was “something you ate.” (Yes, mom. It was something you ate. His dick. JK. Sort of, not really.)
Visit all of your favorite food places that you don’t have at school (looking at you, Wawa and Publix).
Wear only sweats, yoga pants, and oversized tees because honestly? Those are the only things that fit you right now.
Reap the benefits of mom missing the shit out of you.
And ask her to do your laundry, make you sandwiches, and scratch your head in that special mom way.
Promise to see every single one of your high school frenemies.
Blow them off to sit at home in PJs and stalk them all on Instagram.
Wait to go Christmas shopping until the 24th.
Cry at the mall because everyone walks so slowly.
Visit the store you used to work at and feel somewhat bad about the way you quit.
You know, when you didn’t put in your two weeks and just decided not to go back (Sorry, Express).
Get drunk with dad. And convince your whole family to do shots before going to midnight mass.
And maybe, juuuust maybe sing “Silent Night” in an opera voice.
Do literally everything for the ‘gram.
Wear festive hats, make ginger bread houses, and buy quirky gifts just to rake in those likes.
Order the good wine at restaurants because you ain’t payin’.
And actually ask what, exactly, good wine is.
Shamelessly flirt with every somewhat hot guy you see because YOU DON’T LIVE HERE ANYMORE.
Drunkely cry about the fact that you don’t live here anymore.
And then check that cute guy’s driver’s license because you’re sort of scared he’s a minor.
Visit your old high school and miss the times when all you worried about was running the mile and finding a date for prom.
I mean sure. Running still sucks and finding dates are still awful. But whatever.
Spend all of your money on gifts for your family. Trust me, they deserve it.
And ask them questions, put down your phone, and pay attention to them. Someday you’ll wish you would have.
Look through your old year books and read the page-long love note you made your high school bf write to you.
Text your high school ex after a bottle of “good wine.”
Sneak said high school ex into your childhood bedroom just like you used to, “for old times sake.”
Remember that said high school ex had dumb hair and was a sloppy kisser and ask him to leave.
Go on the Christmas bar crawl and avoid all of the people you stalk daily on social media.
Pretend that you love the dress mom picked out for you.
And insist that high-low is still totally in style.
Instagram pictures of all of the
gifts you don’t totally hate. Debate the merits of Taylor Swift and Justin Bieber with your 14-year-old cousin.
Call your 14-year-old cousin a dumb bitch when she thinks that Taylor is better than Katy.
Get sent to your room for the first time in a really, really long time.
Try on your old Hollister jeans.
Wonder how you were ever that skinny.
Eat a disturbing amount of Christmas cookies.
And drink a disturbing amount of alcohol.
Make everyone look at pictures of your little and agree that she totally looks related.
Countdown the days until you can sleep in until noon, curse as much as you want, and be back with your other family. No matter how bad Christmas break is, college is right around the corner.
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