The Mating Rituals Of The Southern Gentleman

Mating Rituals Of The Southern Gentleman

When you’re young and naive (see also: a freshman) the southern gentleman appears as if he has everything necessary to transition from a not-boyfriend to a Facebook official one. Unfortunately, while the SG may seem like everything you’ve ever wanted and more, looks–and the perfect seersucker suit–can be deceiving, especially when there’s liquor involved. Here’s how to decode whether your southern gentleman is actually a gentleman at all.

His main interests are “the simple things” in life.
Huntin’, drinkin’, fishin’, tailgatin’, and posting pictures of all the above to Tinder are his major interests. Hopefully he’s not backwoods and basic, but only time (and a right swipe) will tell.

He’s way too (b)romantic.
Even if he occasionally comes to blows with his bros, he will always love them more than you. After all, he is the ultimate frat star, and a frat star doesn’t have time for a relationship when he could be blacking out with his brothers. His life may be the ultimate sausage fest, but that’s fine, because all that hunting means he loves meat.

His longest relationship is with his truck.
Spoiler alert: If you meet a southern gentleman who calls the teeny vehicle he tools around in his truck, it’s to make up for size in other areas, bless his heart. Prepare for him to make his getaway in said vehicle. A southern gentleman’s favorite escape in the morning is church, but his real motive is to get you yelling for the Lord in the boudoir. (He may or may not be successful.) When he says he’s heading to church, he’s declaring, “I have to repent for an incredibly long list of sins from this weekend–including, but not limited to, you. I may get breakfast with the boys instead, though. Deuces!”

He won’t stop talking about his family.
At first, you think this is a good sign. It shows he’s close with his mother (or that she still does his laundry) and that he’s at least thought about settling down. The gent in question might show you pictures of a baby in his family in a ploy to get your biological clock ticking. However, said baby might be one he Googled–it’s unclear. Unfortunately, you and your ovaries, can’t know for sure. If he talks about family a little too much, escape, unless you’re looking to take over sandwich duty.

The southern gentleman is successful at scoring because he’s not manipulative or mean. Unlike his cousin, the douchenozzle, he’s a good ol’ boy. He’ll open all the doors for you–in hopes that one of them leads to your bedroom. At the end of the day, a southern gentleman is exactly the same as a northern bro, only with a better accent and outfit. Don’t give up hope. Just know that saying “ma’am” doesn’t make him Noah from “The Notebook.”

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Fleur de Lilly

Fleur de Lilly (@margaretabrams) is a contributing writer for Total Sorority Move and Post Grad Problems. When she's not corrupting her big's baby, she can be found decoding texts, gravitating towards raised surfaces, and spending time with her gentleman caller, Jack Daniels. She loves Lilly, Louisiana, and her lineage.

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