For years, OPI has been creating the most perfect combinations of clever puns and exquisitely mixed colors in the form of overpriced nail polish. The Kardashians, Harry Potter, and Nikki Manaj all have their own. So why shouldn’t the wearers of these polishes have their own line? The obvious answer is that we should.
It is with great pride that I would now like to announce the (imaginary) TSM line of high quality nail polish:
1. Bid Day Bonanza: Silver glitter and sparkles that last and DON’T require 16 coats.
2. Recruitment Ready: Rotates colors as you rotate rooms. Instant light yellow to deep blue.
3. Hangover Hangry: The same color as the pancakes that absorbed last night’s liquid.
4. Wine About It: Deep merlot red for date night and the winter months.
5. Barstool blackout: As black as the night you’re having.
6. Beer Bong Babe: Comes with a waterproof (alcohol proof) top coat.
7. Chardy Bombs: A light nude that pairs well with an actual glass of Chardonnay.
8. Wear Pink on Wednesdays: Bright. Pink.
9. Pregamin’ the pregame: Turns the same color as whatever you’re drinking.
10. Say Crack Again: Janis would be proud, comes in black and purple. Crackle polish is STILL in. Maybe.
And since each sorority deserves its own individual polish, we’ve created a special line of 26 Panhellenic colors.
1. Alpha Chi Omega: Yippie A Chi O, deep olive green.
2. Alpha Delta Pi: Hear Me Roar, azure blue.
3. Alpha Epsilon Phi: Living Wild and Phi, giraffe print shellac.
4. Alpha Gamma Delta: Squirrels and Pearls, pale yellow.
5. Alpha Omicron Pi: Ruby Red Lips, cardinal red.
6. Alpha Phi: Land of the Phi, Bordeaux
7. Alpha Sigma Alpha: Ladybug Luck, crimson
8. Alpha Sigma Tau: Anchored For Life, emerald green.
9. Alpha Xi Delta: Went with Xi Best, light sky blue.
10. Chi Omega: Owl Always Love You, shiny red and yellow swirls.
11. Delta Delta Delta: Dolphin Tale, aqua blue.
12. Delta Gamma: Come Sail Away, nautical blue.
13. Delta Phi Epsilon: Clutching My Pearls, royal purple.
14. Delta Zeta: Rose Above The Rest, rose pink.
15. Gamma Phi Beta: Under the Moonlight, shimmery gold glitter.
16. Kappa Alpha Theta: Come Fly With Me, light yellow.
17. Kappa Delta: Want A Kay Dee Lady, emerald green.
18. Kappa Kappa Gamma: Key To My Heart, silvery, dark blue.
19. Phi Mu: Girl With the Phi-nest Moves, light rose.
20. Phi Sigma Sigma: Aim for the Phi-nest, sandy beige.
21. Pi Beta Phi: Pi Beta Pink, light pink.
22. Sigma Delta Tau: With Cream and Sugar, royal blue.
23. Sigma Kappa: Living Sig Kappily Ever After, lavender.
24. Sigma Sigma Sigma: Sigma Smooth Sailing, dark purple
25. Theta Phi Alpha: EnCompass Me with Love, matte gold.
26. Zeta Tau Alpha : Roses are Red, Violets are Blue, dark teal.
Look out for the shacker’s shellack line soon. The more durable line of polishes for the overzealous and adventurous gal.
Image via Loftiss