The Less Obvious Red Flags

Everyone knows the obvious ones: he cheated on his last two girlfriends, your friends don’t like him, he’s not prone to being truthful. Etc. Those are easy to see, and ideally allow you to cut and run before you get hurt. However, through my years in college, I have noticed some more subtle red flags that might not mean that he’s totally undateable, just that he’s going to be a shitty boyfriend.

1. He has massive jars of creatine, whey protein, or whatever the supplement of the week is, laid out in an impressive display somewhere in his room.
Of course a man in great athletic shape is attractive as hell, but the guy whose quest for a perfect body is near the top of his priority list is unlikely to make room for you between his crossfit workouts, paleo diet preparations, lifting sessions, and quality time with the punching bag. Go for the guy with the kind of normal muscles that come from an active hobby and a few times a week in the gym. Not only will he still have a sexy body, you also won’t have to feel like shit when you just really want to drunk eat a piece of pizza and constantly fear his judgment on your “lifestyle.” You’ll always feel like a lard around him evem though you aren’t.

2. He complains about dressing up for date functions.
Look, bro, they’re fun parties, the booze flows freely, and you’re guaranteed some nookie afterward and possibly even some kinky role play depending on the costume choices. The guy who complains about putting in a minor amount of effort for something that has such clear benefits for him at the end of the night is unlikely to compromise later on.

3. He has a stupid startup company he is planning on moving into full-time instead of getting an actual job.
Yes, it works on occasion, but your time dating him will be spent listening to his overenthusiastic ramblings about his business plan, which is destined for failure to even the most casual observer. He will then move in with his mom and live in her basement and take somewhere around a year before he gives up on it.

4. He’s an asshole when he’s letting people in at the door.
If you arrive with attractive girls from a top tier sorority and some JI starts power tripping when you can list off actual brothers who would happily come get you at the door were they not blacked out or humping away. This is more something to remember down the road for when your little starts dating. The kind of guy who seizes on any kind of power given the opportunity is just destined to be a dick.

5. He likes to talk about living in the honors dorms, his grades, his acceptance onto the Dean’s list, etc while you’re at a social function.
It’s appealing at first because, hey, he’s doing something with his life, but if he can’t separate work from play, that’s a big fat no.

6. He is really, really hot, and is very, very sure of it.
He has never had to learn how to be good in bed and unless you just want to say you did it, don’t bother.


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