The Holiday Season: Then and Now


Maybe it’s because you finally realized how insane your family is. Maybe it’s because it is more fun watching your mom cook instead of getting roped into helping. Maybe it’s because you now know Santa is a grand scheme to make you behave (and now that you know, you’ve made it your personal vendetta to make up for those lost “bad behavior” years). Maybe it’s because you discovered the great Messiah that is alcohol. Whatever the reason, the holiday season just seems a little…different now that you’re older.


Then: “I’m so excited to see all my cousins tomorrow at Thanksgiving dinner!”
Now: “I’m so excited to see all my friends the night before Thanksgiving!”

Then: Waking up early to watch Macy’s Thanksgiving Parade.
Now: Getting death threats from your mother because you refuse to wake up before noon.

Then: “Gosh, I can’t wait to sit at the grown-ups table!”
Now: “If I get one more fucking question about my love-life or post graduation plans, I’m going to frisbee my plate at grandma. Lucky-ass babies at the kids table.”

Then: Passing out from all the turkey.
Now: Passing out from all the wine.


Then: Dear Santa,
How are you? How are the reindeer? Say hi to Mrs. Claus for me. For Christmas I would like: a Sky Dancer, Pokemon cards, Skateboard Shannon, drum set, and Polly Pockets. Hope the North Pole is good!
Now: Hey Mom and Dad,
Soooo it’s getting close to that time, and you’re probably like “I wonder what my perfect daughter would want for christmas?!” Well, I’ll just leave this here for you guys.
I’ll call you later in the week to talk about when I’m coming home from break.
Love you!

Then: Leaving cookies and milk out for Santa.
Now: Mom leaving Advil and water out for you.

Then: Relatives slipping you sips of eggnog and wine.
Now: Your mom taking you aside and asking begging you to slow your drinking, or at least not drink straight from the bottle.

New Years:

Then: “I hope I don’t fall asleep before midnight!”
Now: “I hope I don’t blackout before midnight.”

Then: “Kiss a boy at midnight? Ewwww!”
Now: “Kiss a boy at midnight? Too bad i’ll be alone forever. HA.”

Then: “Gosh, I’m so tired, I stayed up waaay past my bedtime”
Now: “God, I cant wait to eat my weight in fried foods and then sleep for three days.”

Then: “Boy, do I love this time of year”
Now: “You know, I actually do love this time of year.”


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Hakuna Moscato

Hakuna Moscato (@HakunaMoscato) is a contributing writer for Total Sorority Move. and Post Grad Problems. A born and raised Maryland girl, she's obsessed with the Baltimore Ravens, Old Bay, and anything that has the Maryland flag pattern on it. She's a newly retired student-athlete and sorority girl, but not quite ready to call herself an adult, especially since she still has to be carried out of bars. With a Long Island in hand, she's ready for whatever life is throwing her way. Maybe.

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