When we talk about the elusive “Friend Zone,” it’s typically a conversation of some hopelessly tragic guy bending over backwards to win the affection of a girl who just won’t let him in…to her vagina. She’s painted as somewhat villainous as she allows him to help her with homework and do any manual labor she may require, while she just strings him along until he either wises up or dies, I guess.
Many a woman vehemently deny the friend zone’s existence, relegating it to a sexist ideology in which men feel “entitled” to women and their bodies. This notion generally comes from the belief that only men are friend zoned by women — because of course women can get sex from men if they want to, even from their friends, so how could it exist in reverse? I’m here to explain that the friend zone, for women, is very real. We’re just looking at it wrong. And how do I know? Because I’ve been there.
Nay — I live there.
The difference between boy friend zone and girl friend zone is ever so slight and at the same time, monumental. Simply put: guys will still fuck the girls in their friend zone.
Aside from this, the situations are identical. The friend zoned person is hopelessly addicted to the person friend zoning them, and the person friend zoning them won’t — can’t — give a logical reason for their rejection. You, the friend zoner, do GENUINELY enjoy the company of the friend zoned. You do GENUINELY think they’d be great…for someone. Just not for you. Let me paint you a picture of how this looks when you’re the friend zoned girl.
Have you ever been in a relationship that was confusing to you, because you KNEW beyond a shadow of a doubt that the guy liked you? You talked about the world together. About your feelings. And about nothing at all. You could laugh together — really laugh. You loved each other’s friends. And nothing ever felt embarrassing. He’d text you just to shoot the shit. And you hung out before 10pm. In the mornings, you chilled and laughed about the night before. He didn’t rush you out. He probably invited you to breakfast. And not for nothing, but you had incredible sex. He had to like you. He HAD to. Why else was he spending so much time with you? Why else did this feel like more than just a hookup?
Because, well, he did like you. As a friend. And as a fuck. Just not as a girlfriend. You, my dear, were friend zoned. But only romantically, not physically, so it was hard to identify.
Let me guess how that situation panned out. After a few months of what felt like the PERFECT would-be relationship, something happened. He didn’t text you back one time. Or you found out he had a party you weren’t invited to. Perhaps he was tagged in another girl’s Instagram. Perhaps she was kissing him on the cheek. Or had her arm around him in just such a way that you know this is more than just a friend. And suddenly your heart sinks down past your stomach and into your uterus.
How can this be? How could you be so off-base about something you were so sure about? How could this JUST be a hookup when you had all those amazing nights together truly getting to know each other? Was this all in your head? Is it possible you meant NOTHING to him all this time?
Fear not, you didn’t mean NOTHING. You meant a little something to him — you just didn’t mean to him what he meant to you. If you’re bold, you maybe initiated a drunken conversation in a desperate search for answers. And he told you the same thing we’ve all been told: “I think you’re absolutely amazing. I love hooking up with you and I love having you around. You’re sexy as hell, and you’re so funny. I just don’t think we’d be good in a relationship together.”
What the fuck, dude? you think. “If you like fucking me and you like spending time with me, what else is there?!?!
And well, there isn’t anything else. But at the same time, there’s everything else. Just like you truly do think the world of that sweet guy you friend zoned, this guy genuinely likes you too. But in both cases, the friend zoned person is just missing…that thing. That intangible factor that makes you say “Wow” when the other person walks away.
Sucks, huh? At least if something was wrong with you, you could fix it. Or you could say “fuck it,” and rest easy knowing you weren’t a perfect match if he didn’t like something that was so quintessentially you. But there’s nothing wrong. It’s just at the end of the day, try as he might, he only sees you as a friend. With tits.
When you have a great friendship AND a great fuckship with someone, it’s hard to realize there’s anything else. Which is why it’s so hard to be friend zoned. You scored in the bedroom. And you scored over breakfast. And you scored in his mind. And you scored with his friends. But you couldn’t score where you wanted to — you couldn’t score in the way that takes you from “the awesome girl I hooked up with junior year” to “girlfriend.” You couldn’t score in his heart..
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