You’re out on the town with your little, dancing like Beyoncé circa “7/11”, the DJ has been on a roll with his last five songs, when all of a sudden the horrifying sound of the last slurp of your drink coming up the straw hits your ears. Determined not to let your buzz end so early on in the night, you stomp your stilettos over to the bar to conjure up some more fun- or at least some more tequila. Before you can say the words “Starbucks lovers,” you feel something brush against your shoulder. Next to you at the bar, the perfect man, and out of those beautiful lips come the words, “Can I get you another?”
Shots are soon poured and promptly thrown back in a matter of minutes. You’re really into this guy, or at least into his shared love of booze, and the conversation is coming along nicely. Before you let him seal the deal, though, you have some serious social media stalking to do. After all, you can’t go home with just anybody. So you head to the bathroom and instruct your little to tackle his Twitter page while you take on Facebook. It’s then that you simultaneously let out “OH. MY. GOD.”
He’s your T.A.
You KNEW you recognized his hot, handsome, scruffy face from somewhere! It just wasn’t from the bar scene, it was from that 9 a.m. lab you took last semester. Remember? The one you showed up to feeling semi-delusional, usually with a B.A.C. level higher than Miranda Kerr’s heels? Now it’s up to you to live out the teacher-student fantasy everyone has dreamed of (or in some cases, has had viscous nightmares of), or walk away from the intelligent, generous man buying you drinks. My advice is to live this one out. How often do we find smart, hot, single guys hanging around the undergrad bar scene? Bounce back out there- after freshening up your lipstick and show that soon-to-be Dr. McDreamy what he could never see in-class.
He’s in a relationship. Probably.
What a cheating, lying, scum-of-the-Earth thing for a guy to do. However, odds are he’s just out to have good time, and if he does that by flirting, no harm done. While you should probably try to lose this one after a drink or two, triple check your facts. Maybe he just broke up with the girl who appears in his two previous profile pictures but not his current one. He might be looking for a rebound. Or hell, maybe that girl’s his sister. Figure everything out before denying yourself a good opportunity, just be warned that if he is dating that girl, it will lead to a hefty bitch fight. Girls always give the other woman a harder time than they do their man.
He’s married or engaged.
Red flags all over the place! Run away as fast as you can, but not before a good slap across the face. Cheaters are the worst kind of men, and we all know this one is going nowhere in life but back to his wife. Besides, what kind of low-life husband feels the need to spend time at an on-campus bar?!
He has a child
While this is not necessarily a deal-breaker, if you’re looking for a no-strings attached kind of situation, this may not be for you. In fact, this is one LARGE string that is probably very attached and will continue to be attached for 18 more years. More likely than not, this guy has been through and experienced a ton, and if you were really hitting it off, he probably deserves a second shot. Maybe don’t hop right into bed with this one, since he has proven to be pretty fertile, but don’t discount him completely until he explains himself and his situation..