The Fight For Attention: You vs. His Boys


When you first meet a guy’s pals, it’s like an audition with his friends as the judges. Your fate lies in their hands, because if they hate you, they aren’t hesitant to let him know. But if they like you and think you’re worth his time, they’ll tell him to bring you around more often.

And eventually, as things get more serious between the two of you, there will be that moment when you need to recognize that you have to share him with his friends. It might be hard to believe, but his life doesn’t revolve around you. It’s unfortunate, but also unavoidable. “Bros before hoes.” “Nuts before sluts.” “Homies before blow-me’s.” Whatever the saying, I get it. Guys love their manly time with their bros. No girl should come in between a guy and his boys. And I agree. Just like I agree that no male should come in between you and your girls. They play an important role in his life, and you need to accept that.

However, there is always going to be unspoken struggle of the balance between who gets the fair amount of attention from him, you or his boys. Truth be told, it depends entirely on the relationship. If you are type of girl who needs attention 24/7, there might be more extreme fights if he hangs out with his friends more than you. On the flip side, if he is hanging out with his friends more than you and always seems to ignore you when you are with him and his friends, there might be a bigger problem at hand.

And to add to the bullshit that’s him ignoring you, you’ll have to worry about not pissing his friends off. If he begins to choose you over them, they are going to give him so much shit for it. And even if you are super close with his friends, all of you are going to sometimes want individual time with him. We all know that if you lose with his friends, there’s a high chance of it not working out with him either. So you just ignore it. Not because you think you’re wrong for demanding attention from your boyfriend (you’re not wrong for that btw), but because you don’t want his friends trash-talking you and convincing him you’re just a complete bitch. If you speak up too often, and he’s the type to complain to his friends, you risk it all. If you don’t speak up, you just slowly die on the inside. It’s like you’re stuck between managing your own happiness and coming off as selfish. The back and forth of it all is what kills you.

Communication is key here. Talk to your man gently. Don’t say, “Why do you always choose them over me? You clearly don’t give a flying fuck about this relationship. Why don’t you just marry one of them instead?” But also don’t hold back your feelings and just give him the cold shoulder every time he is talking to his friends at the party instead of you. Boys are clueless. Seriously. They’re stupid. If you don’t tell him what’s bugging you, he will never know. There’s room for all of you in his life. You just have to help him balance everyone.

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Kellie Stritz

Kellie, spelled with an "ie," practically resides at Starbucks even though they have yet to spell her name correctly. She's obsessed with the color pink, Elle Woods, and Bitmoji's. Her biggest accomplishment is breaking the record within her sorority for how many standards hearings she has had without getting kicked out. She spends her free time trying to stay tan (i.e. sunburnt) and stalking people on social media.

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