The secret to happiness for all of humankind was just revealed, and the key is none other than the female orgasm.
You know, that thing that most guys swear is a myth? The reason we put on fake fucking eyelashes and eight inch heels every damn weekend. The thing that we pretend happens when his “tongue alphabet” technique isn’t working. At all. Yeah. That female orgasm. It turns out that it’s basically the source of world peace.
According to Daily Mail, after orgasming, people are much more likely to share important information with their partner. The best part is, thanks to the release of oxytocin, the information is usually positive. You know, like “I love you” or “I’m going to buy you Chipotle after this.” Information that can solve problems, pave the future, and create a more loving environment. It’s called pillow talk everyone. And without it, the world will actually explode.
Okay, it won’t actually explode (right, science?) but lack of orgasms will make the women of the world total bitches. Actually, it does make the women of the world total bitches. And who run the world? Girls. Duh. But without the big “O” we’re less likely to share our thoughts, and more likely to expect men to read our minds. Which they fail miserably at. Just imagine a world where women are stress free, feel loved, and have men who listen to what we have to say? We would be nicer, men would be happier, and everyone’s genitals would be sighing with relief.
World freaking peace. That’s what would happen.
So, what’s the catch? You can’t use alcohol. Since it acts as a “downer” it makes things worse. Like, way worse. Sure, it does help us “express” our feelings, these feelings are usually much less positive and a lot more “cry-y.” Basically it all comes down to three simple formulas:
• Orgasm + Pillow Talk = Best thing ever.
• Alcohol + Orgasm + Pillow Talk = Whatever.
• Alcohol + No Orgasm + Pillow Talk = ABORT! ABORT! GTFO NOW! BAD!
So, in light of this groundbreaking research, I think we can all agree on what needs to happen, and it’s not about alcohol. Boys, it’s time to step your game up and learn how to get us off. Your own sanity, happiness, and quite possibly peace for all of humankind, depends on it..
[via Daily Mail]
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