In the immortal words of Inigo Montoya from “The Princess Bride,” “You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.”
Actual Definition: actually; without exaggeration or inaccuracy
Phrase: After Mt. Vesuvius erupted, Pompeii and its people were literally destroyed.
Sorority Definition: nothing about what I’m saying should in any way be taken literally; figuratively
Phrase: She is such a whore. You could literally walk inside her vagina, look around, and leave. She wouldn’t even notice.
Even, The (In)Ability To
Actual Definition: suggests something that is mentioned as a possibility that constitutes an extreme case or an unlikely instance
Phrase: Her PMS was so severe that one could not even speak to her without experiencing an emotional breakdown, likely resulting in said speaker’s untimely demise.
Sorority Definition: used as a standalone verb to suggest that one is no longer able to deal with, comprehend, or fathom the stupidity or audacity of the words or actions a person or persons have just said or done
Phrase: Did she really just subtweet me IMMEDIATELY after we talked things out? I can’t even anymore.
Suicide, To Commit; Kill Myself
Actual Definition: the intentional taking of one’s own life
Phrase: After years of battling severe depression and anxiety, the man committed suicide.
Sorority Definition: often shortened to “commit su” or “KMS,” this is a means of expressing that there is something displeasing to me about the situation I’ve found myself in
Phrase: Mike just walked into this bar, and the last time I saw him, his entire fraternity was walking me out of his bedroom. I’m going to fucking KMS right now.
Actual Definition: cease from, leave off, or discontinue
Phrase: When she found them jumping on the bed, the babysitter sternly told the children to stop before their mother came home.
Sorority Definition: a command; 1. what you’ve just said is completely shocking to me, and I’d like to hear more; 2. I have no response to your boring story, but I’d like you to believe I am interested
Phrase: And he proposed right there?!?!?! Stop!
Actual Definition: a temporary stop or rest, especially in speech or action
Phrase: I have to pee. Can we pause it for a minute?
Sorority Definition: used either as a conversation opener when no previous dialogue had taken place or as an interjection to inform the recipient that the previous discussion is no longer relevant; I’ve come upon a pressing question or thought and it’s imperative we drop everything to discuss it immediately
Phrase: After hours of silence, she stood up and said, “Pause. Did I just hear Elizabeth and Danny are dating?”
To read the first installment of “The English Language As Defined By Sorority Girls,” click here.