The “Roster.” What once was only for guys, has now started gaining popularity among the fairer sex. And why wouldn’t it? Who wouldn’t want to have multiple guys just a phone call away to satisfy any and all of your sexual needs? Sounds like a pretty solid plan to me. Seeing as I have actively been maintaining a roster ever since I was a junior in high school, I thought I would take it upon myself to be your spirit guide on this journey to endless orgasms.
Do: Employ multiple guys.
This might seem like a no-brainer, but the whole point of a roster is that you are consistently or semi-consistently hooking up with multiple guys. In my experience, three or four is a good number to keep it at. More than that and you are neglecting guys or getting overwhelmed. Fewer than that and you run the risk of not always having a guy available when you need one. It’s a delicate balance.
Don’t: Tell the guys they are on the roster.
Again, pretty fucking obvious, but you would be surprised how many girls have told the guys that they are just one of the people they are sleeping with. I’m all for honesty…if he asks, but don’t just volunteer information. Information has, and always will be power. Do fucking not give up your power.
Do: Have different guys for different “positions,” so to speak.
If you are anything like me, then you have an extremely varied sex life. Sometimes you’ll want a guy to just straight up fuck you, hard and fast. Other times, you’ll want something with a little bit more foreplay and build up. Still other times, you will want a guy who will go down on you like his life depends on it. Finding a guy that is bomb dot com at everything is the sex equivalent to finding a unicorn, so when developing a roster, make sure it’s well-rounded.
Don’t: Stop sleeping with other guys.
A roster is ever-changing, and just because the guys you have are starters now, doesn’t mean there isn’t someone better out there. The point of a roster is guaranteed sex. If you go out and you don’t find any good prospects, you hit up one of your boys. But don’t just dismiss other guys because you already have someone(s). You never know what you could be passing up.
Do: Use pet names.
Let me clarify, nothing cheesy, like “snookums” or “babycakes,” because that is a huge turnoff. I would suggest the super casual “babe.” It’s not too cutesy, but it’s simple enough that you won’t get any of the guys’ names confused. Trust me, nothing is worse than when you’re hammered and you yell out the wrong name in bed. It’s a huge boner killer. Stick to simple pet names and you’ll be golden.
Don’t: Have guys from the same fraternity or sports team on the roster.
There are enough guys available to you in college that you don’t need to pick two from the same pool. If the guys do find out that they are a part of a roster, chances are they might not care that much. But if they find out you’ve been regularly boning someone they know, they will either be really fucking pissed, or want a threesome. Don’t expose yourself to that situation if you aren’t ready to commit.
Do: Keep it casual.
By this, I mean to keep it casual when you are with them in person. If you see them at a party or the bar, you don’t have to ignore them or be awkward about it. Go over, chat for a little, and then go back to hanging out with your friends. A good distinction between keeping it casual is meeting them at a party, but not going with them.
Don’t: Invite any of the guys to date functions.
This might seem counterintuitive, but hear me out. A date function is the exact opposite of keeping it casual. Developing a roster is a means of easy sex with no emotions. The more time you spend with a guy outside the bedroom, the more likely you are to develop feelings. If you are trying to end up in a relationship, you aren’t the type of person that should be utilizing a roster. Going on dates and other couple-y things with any of these guys is just going to complicate things. Stick to a best friend from a different sorority or your GBF as your date, and booty call one of your boys when the night is over.
Do: Practice safe sex.
I’m not trying to ‘mom’ anyone, but if you are having sex with multiple people, you need to be safe about it. Odds are, the guys on your roster are probably fucking other girls too, and you have no idea what their sexual history is. For the love of all that is holy, please take your birth control consistently AND wear a condom. And just to be on the safe side, take it upon yourself to get tested every four to six months. Accidents happen, condoms break, birth control fails, so take responsibility for your sex life to ensure you aren’t put in a position where you need to make a life-altering choice.
Don’t: Give a fuck about your number or being called a ‘slut’.
Embrace your sexuality and fuck the haters. Having sex is not bad and having sex with lots of different people does not mean you respect yourself any less. I will not turn this into a diatribe on the double standard, but just say fuck it. We are all strong, independent women who do not need to define ourselves by how many people we have or have not had sex with.
I have imparted my wisdom of developing and maintaining the perfect roster, but now it’s up to you. Go fly, my little butterflies. Take my advice and develop your own rosters. Have great sex with hot as hell guys that give you Earth-shattering orgasms. The Promised Land awaits..